I married the devil....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
I married the devil....
3
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:48pm
Hey, guys, don't necessarily need a response, just venting. If anything, it might make for good reading. Anyway, tonight I tried to have a talk with my husband. My daughter came to me upset saying that she wanted to buy me a guitar for Mother's Day and her Dad told her no, Mom doesn't know how to play. She wanted to buy me a guitar, because I like to sing and write songs, and she knows I've always wanted one. So I went to him and told him that he needs to be a little gentle when speaking to our daughters because he is a little rough and crude with them, (not to mention me, but anyway). He said whatever. Then I thought he might be in a talking mood so I started talking to him telling him I am planning on leaving soon, not to punish him but because he is little by little eroding my self-esteem. Well, he went on, blah blah blah. Nothing worth mentioning. But he is not concerned at all about educating our daughters and when I start talking to him he actually starts closing his eyes and falling asleep. I told him he seriously needs parenting classes and I have been telling him this for years. I try to tell him very gently and he acts like I am his enemy. I tell him that I tried to protect his feelings for years, and my job is the welfare of the kids and that he needs parenting classes to better communicate with his daughters. He turned around and didn't want to hear me. I said alright if you don't want to listen to me, perhaps social services will listen to me. He thinks he is ok because, he does not ever hit the children or me (nor would I ever allow him to). But to me, someone who is a reckless driver, in my opinion, who is very careless in what he tells his children, and is not verbally gentle with them, someone who is not careful in a myriad of situations is not a safe custodian. He said he spoke to a divorce lawyer today who told him I would not be able to seek sole custody since there was a case of even a father hitting his kid and his kid being in the hospital where they received joint custody. I told him what the hell type of example is that?
I am so gentle, loving and nurturing towards my children,and he is belittling (in a subtle but obvious way), and not tender and nurturing at all. He is probably right about the sole custody thing, but still.
My daughter and her friend threw something over our porch and he's like "Hey!", in a snarling voice, and I said "Hey, relax." Then I turned to them and I said "Hey, guys don't throw that over the porch, ok?" And he said "Yeah, real educational" about how I said it to them, and because I said it gently. He knows things like he said upsets me since I am very involoved with the education of our children on all counts and that is the thing closest to my heart. I was in the educational system for years,and am a child psychology major so he makes remarks like that. He thinks he needs to snarl at two five year olds to make them listen.
Anyway, I married the devil, and thank G-D, I will be leaving soon. I will never stop trying to make someone out there who will be handling our case see that he is abusive and needs to take parenting classes to even come close to being a proper parent. It might take some convincing, but I will make sure that I will try everything in my power to do it. Thanks for the vent. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of "I Married the Devil" in next weeks show. LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 8:00am

Hun, you know you come here and vent as much as you want and we are always willing to listen and offer advice and that shoulder to cry on if need be.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:03pm
When I explain how he acts to my sisters they say it doesn't sound that bad (they don't have kids yet). I have to take into account that they live far away now and he is a completely different person around them. But to me the things he does are horrendous in my opinion. I'm not talking about me, he treats me horribly, no doubt about that. But the fact that he drives recklessly on the road with the kids in the car, and the way he talks to them. And the problem is he doesn't admit even one thing that he does. I know that he will deny forever what he is doing. Thanks for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 9:31pm
It's all very well for other people to make remarks like that. They don't live with him. You do.
And I'll bet he's a different person around them. It's all to protect himself and make you doubt your own judgement. I swear that tactic is on page 1 of The Abuser's Manual.