I need another voice out there!
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I need another voice out there!
| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:58pm |
I'm new on this, but I need advice. I am continously getting advice from people I know, but I want someone to hear me out.
I have been married to my husband for nearly three years. We got married shortly after I was 17, he was 24. I went against my parents, snuck around to see him, and eventually ran my mouth enough to where my parents wanted me to marry him because they were at a loss for what to do, they had already had him arrested and placed me on probation, and still nothing worked, they suffered through this for about six or seven months.
I left my entire life and moved into a different county, where I had no friends. My husband said that he had no issues with my friends and if I wanted to see them, I could. But being newlyweds and young, I lost contact with all of them.
Things were fine for awhile, we had little arguements, but nothing major. Then one day, the day after Christmas, in fact, we were riding in our car, and he got mad at something i said. He began to run the car off the road, and act odd. I slapped him. In the face and I admit it.
He took me to his parents house and left me there for two days, wouldn't call me or answer my calls. I was miserable.
In order to not make this long, we reconsiled. Simply, he never apologized, but I did profusely.
Eventually as months progressed, he began to make references of things I did wrong, such as leaving the shower curtain out or putting the toilet paper roll on wrong. Little things, but I heard them everyday and still continue to do so. They began to hurt, he began to attack ME, saying that I was stupid and blah, blah, blah and then deny it when I asked him why he said it.
He would get mad and leave for hours at a time, never telling me where he went. Never have been alone by myself for that long, considering I led a very sheltered life @ my parents, this scared me. I didn't like him leaving.
He would hit me, he would bite me, whatever it took. He threatened to throw glass jars at me, he told me to not make him do things he'd regret, and said that he would gladly go to jail. I don't know how long this went on.
One thing led to another, and he disliked my parents, my friends, he would spend money like crazy and then blame me for it, he badmouthed me to his parents, whatever. He hit me on occasion, sometimes it really hurt. He'd choke me, throw me into walls, things that made me feel terrified. But then when he came home, I was so glad that when he came home, he wasn't still mad and it was never talked about. I remember, he'd lock me out of my home, he had left me thirty miles from home with no car and unable to drive because my finger was broken. He has told me he hated me, he wants a divorce, whatever. But I hear these things so much and I am beginning to become dull to it all.
Last year, my husband spent two weeks in jail for aggravated domestic assault. The police took pictures, the STATE pushed the case, I didn't. I went to the hospital from the fact that I have TMJ and my jaw was locked when he hit me. I told the policeman everything that had happened to me in that year and a half and it felt good to finally tell someone who might could do something about it.
They arrested my husband and I stayed at a friend's house over night. Someone, I still do not know who, bonded my husband out of jail and he called me 15 times in the course of three hours. When I finally checked my phone, there were messages of how sorry he was and all that.
I went back home, and the issue seemed to be dropped, he didn't hit me, until a week later. This time, my best friend called the police, and my they kept him with no bond.
Another long story short, the case ended with him being placed on probation for three years, with a no violent contact order between the two of us.
However, my husband has still put his hands on me after that. Just not as much, and not as noticeably afterwards. He his worse in his insults and mental anguish. He has changed jobs alot, spends money to the point of where we have been evicted, he has filed bankruptcy at 25 and now at 20, I will have to because I have no choice. I took an apartment in my name, I have a good job, and try my hardest. I have no kids, I'm just a kid myself. He refuses to clean the house unless I do clean it first. He uses his paycheck for his money and mine is his as well, I don't even know when he gets paid.
I know that sex shouldn't be the basis for a marriage but I do know that it counts for something. The sex is horrible, he gets his after about a minute and I promise I am not exaggerating. He lays there, I get no contact at all, and when it's over for him, it's over period. It bores me, is there something wrong with me?
I don't think my husband has cheated on me, but I don't know for sure. I have on him. He doesn't know it, I don't know if he suspects. I think that's one reason why I am so confused.
I just wish someone could tell me their opinion of my situation. I don't make alot of money and I am worried about my financial situation. Sometimes, I want to leave, I have come so close as packing my clothes, and getting an apartment. But in the end he came with me.
Can someone please help me decide what I should do? I know it is ultimately up to me and him, but any kind of input would be helpful, no one I know has been through a divorce and I don't know what to do. We've done court ordered counseling to no avail. They thought that he might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or anger management issues, but nothing has worked, his therapist said he didn't think so.
For 20 years old, I feel my life is way to hard, and I also know that most of it is self inflicted. He's threatened to kill me, threw things at me, beaten my adorable little kittens, refused food and gas money for me.
I know that my affair is relevant. It was with my best friend, who is 14 years older than me, married with three kids. Recently he told me that he loved me but can't leave his wife. He treats me so well, and I think I am latching on because I don't have that from anyone else.
My parents refuse to help because they can't stand my husband. I haven't spoken to my father for the better part of three years. This hurts so bad.
AM I BEING ABUSED?????
I have been married to my husband for nearly three years. We got married shortly after I was 17, he was 24. I went against my parents, snuck around to see him, and eventually ran my mouth enough to where my parents wanted me to marry him because they were at a loss for what to do, they had already had him arrested and placed me on probation, and still nothing worked, they suffered through this for about six or seven months.
I left my entire life and moved into a different county, where I had no friends. My husband said that he had no issues with my friends and if I wanted to see them, I could. But being newlyweds and young, I lost contact with all of them.
Things were fine for awhile, we had little arguements, but nothing major. Then one day, the day after Christmas, in fact, we were riding in our car, and he got mad at something i said. He began to run the car off the road, and act odd. I slapped him. In the face and I admit it.
He took me to his parents house and left me there for two days, wouldn't call me or answer my calls. I was miserable.
In order to not make this long, we reconsiled. Simply, he never apologized, but I did profusely.
Eventually as months progressed, he began to make references of things I did wrong, such as leaving the shower curtain out or putting the toilet paper roll on wrong. Little things, but I heard them everyday and still continue to do so. They began to hurt, he began to attack ME, saying that I was stupid and blah, blah, blah and then deny it when I asked him why he said it.
He would get mad and leave for hours at a time, never telling me where he went. Never have been alone by myself for that long, considering I led a very sheltered life @ my parents, this scared me. I didn't like him leaving.
He would hit me, he would bite me, whatever it took. He threatened to throw glass jars at me, he told me to not make him do things he'd regret, and said that he would gladly go to jail. I don't know how long this went on.
One thing led to another, and he disliked my parents, my friends, he would spend money like crazy and then blame me for it, he badmouthed me to his parents, whatever. He hit me on occasion, sometimes it really hurt. He'd choke me, throw me into walls, things that made me feel terrified. But then when he came home, I was so glad that when he came home, he wasn't still mad and it was never talked about. I remember, he'd lock me out of my home, he had left me thirty miles from home with no car and unable to drive because my finger was broken. He has told me he hated me, he wants a divorce, whatever. But I hear these things so much and I am beginning to become dull to it all.
Last year, my husband spent two weeks in jail for aggravated domestic assault. The police took pictures, the STATE pushed the case, I didn't. I went to the hospital from the fact that I have TMJ and my jaw was locked when he hit me. I told the policeman everything that had happened to me in that year and a half and it felt good to finally tell someone who might could do something about it.
They arrested my husband and I stayed at a friend's house over night. Someone, I still do not know who, bonded my husband out of jail and he called me 15 times in the course of three hours. When I finally checked my phone, there were messages of how sorry he was and all that.
I went back home, and the issue seemed to be dropped, he didn't hit me, until a week later. This time, my best friend called the police, and my they kept him with no bond.
Another long story short, the case ended with him being placed on probation for three years, with a no violent contact order between the two of us.
However, my husband has still put his hands on me after that. Just not as much, and not as noticeably afterwards. He his worse in his insults and mental anguish. He has changed jobs alot, spends money to the point of where we have been evicted, he has filed bankruptcy at 25 and now at 20, I will have to because I have no choice. I took an apartment in my name, I have a good job, and try my hardest. I have no kids, I'm just a kid myself. He refuses to clean the house unless I do clean it first. He uses his paycheck for his money and mine is his as well, I don't even know when he gets paid.
I know that sex shouldn't be the basis for a marriage but I do know that it counts for something. The sex is horrible, he gets his after about a minute and I promise I am not exaggerating. He lays there, I get no contact at all, and when it's over for him, it's over period. It bores me, is there something wrong with me?
I don't think my husband has cheated on me, but I don't know for sure. I have on him. He doesn't know it, I don't know if he suspects. I think that's one reason why I am so confused.
I just wish someone could tell me their opinion of my situation. I don't make alot of money and I am worried about my financial situation. Sometimes, I want to leave, I have come so close as packing my clothes, and getting an apartment. But in the end he came with me.
Can someone please help me decide what I should do? I know it is ultimately up to me and him, but any kind of input would be helpful, no one I know has been through a divorce and I don't know what to do. We've done court ordered counseling to no avail. They thought that he might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or anger management issues, but nothing has worked, his therapist said he didn't think so.
For 20 years old, I feel my life is way to hard, and I also know that most of it is self inflicted. He's threatened to kill me, threw things at me, beaten my adorable little kittens, refused food and gas money for me.
I know that my affair is relevant. It was with my best friend, who is 14 years older than me, married with three kids. Recently he told me that he loved me but can't leave his wife. He treats me so well, and I think I am latching on because I don't have that from anyone else.
My parents refuse to help because they can't stand my husband. I haven't spoken to my father for the better part of three years. This hurts so bad.
AM I BEING ABUSED?????

Welcome to the board lhsdev13...
First of all, YES you are being abused.
Yes, you are being abused. I see at the bottom of your post you state your parents can't stand your husband so they won't help you.
Have you tried to contact your parents to let them know what he is doing to you? I know if my daughter said she needed my help, it wouldn't matter what mistakes she had made in the past or how many times she had made decisions I didn't agree with, I would be there to help her.
You want to leave your husband, and your parents don't like him. Sounds to me like calling them can't hurt. I know it is hard to tell your parents you made a mistake, but please try. I think you will be surprised how quickly your dad is there to pick you up.
You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don't have children yet, so you don't understand how much parents love their children. Take a chance and call your parents. I bet you will find out they have been waiting for you to call them.
GT I can't be me
I got so close to doing so on Tuesday, but by the time I filed for divorce and could leave, it'd be months. I just signed a new lease with my husband, I can't afford to break it at the moment because then I couldn't get another apartment somewhere else.
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Hi hon -
I saw your post up at New Beginnings, but I'm going to answer here instead of there:
About the lease - talk to the landlord and explain the situation and that you need to get out of there.
CL-Blueliner4
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