I need assured I am strong enough....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
I need assured I am strong enough....
4
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:58am

He has been gone 3 days.... One of my neighbors told me I actually looked happy today... that I was glowing.... It is good having less stress, not having to impress him, not worrying everything I do is wrong or not good enough.... To think, I don't know how I am going to keep up with all my bills, yet I look happy! What does that tell us about him?

Here's the hard part... of course on and off through the day he occasionally crosses my mind, but I keep busy and stay around people when I can, so it makes it easy. Night is very difficult to deal with. Ya know, being alone.... When I was 17 - 22 I was married to my physically abusive ex-h and then 22 - 37 I have lived with this guy.... so I have never been alone. (Yet I felt very alone.) I feel like a baby mentioning it... but it is a hard adjustment.

Every night I have had nightmares about him )o: so I have had a hard time sleeping. I know it will get better with time.... At least my days this week will be busy. The counselor on Thursday and looking for a job all week.

Thanks for listening. This board is so helpful.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2000
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 2:35am

Gypsy,

I hear you on the lonliness. My soon to be XBF is still in the house be we haven't spoken since Thursday. It's really hard and I know after tomorrow it will be even harder. The restraining order will be served tomorrow. Luckily I work M-F and teach nights twice a week. I decided I am going to go to bed early and wake up early and go to the gym. I know I will need to keep busy. I am also going to start seeing a therapist, first appointment is on Tuesday. Take comfort in your strength to chose to live the life you're meant to live, free from fear and free from abuse.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:05am

Hi Gypsy,

There is no use sugarcoating it, but it is going to be hard for a while. I was married 27 years when Wendell left. He moved to town and took my teenager son with him. Because of the last few years of abuse I was a mess and he used this to convince my son to live with him. So, I ended up completely alone for the first time in 27 years. Talk about an adjustment.

I am now out 13 months and have been living alone. Believe it or not, I have never been more happier or at peace. That's not at all how I felt initially. In fact, for months I would come home and just stare into space for about an hour, wondering what the heck I was going to do. I called it my "zoning out" time. Funny, because just by writing this I suddenly realize that I no longer do that! I can't even remember when I quit it.

For the first few months all I did was think about Wendell. He had me so wrapped up in his needs, I couldn't function without thinking about him. It wasn't thoughts of love, just thoughts of what he would say, what he would do, etc. They slowly go away as you grow.

Hang in there, get some counseling if you can. That helped me tremendously. It gets better, but time is needed to heal.

Hugs,

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 12:08pm

Thanks gals,

That is totally what I needed to hear.

(((HUGS)))
Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 9:36am

And another assurance.....

You'll be fine. It takes time. You'll have good days and bad. I still do. I've been out for seven months now and never been happier. I've had friends tell me how happy I look and that I have that "glow" about me. Think about that. When was the last time you had somebody tell you you look happy and that you are glowing?

You said it right there! At least you know this. No, you weren't alone as far as a human presence, but yes you were alone! Believe me, I think of that often.

Keep busy. It helps. I also found writing on paper in black and white the why's and why nots. THAT was a real eye opener. Dah!!!! I can't believe I stayed for 26 years!

We're all here when you're down, but you'll be just fine.

Hugs!
Happy