I need to be honest

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
I need to be honest
10
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 12:01pm

yes, I am back, I think the last few months, I was not honest with myself or the board. Yes, I did leave in august but I still had the foot in the door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 8:29pm
We sometimes have to do what we feel is best for us even when it is not neccessarily in our best interest for our own well being. It will be ok. Please don't feel that you can't fully disclose here. We've all been in the same type of situation with such conflicting emotions. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs. Sometimes committing someone is only way to break the cycle of her controling you and your husband and being self destructive.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 10:50pm

Winter, I'm so glad you decided to start posting again.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 10:13pm

((hugs)) I am glad to hear from you but will be honest


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 12:32am
Winter, have any of the therapists that have seen dd mentioned a problem called oppositional defiant disorder? It's something I'm slightly familiar with and your dd has a number of the symptoms and has also experienced several of the things that are believed to be causes for it. I'm no trained therapist and I could be hugely off the mark, but when I was going through a tough time with my dd, it was suggested to me so I read up on it. The Mayo Clinic website has a very good, clear, concise write-up on it. Just go to their site and look it up. HOpe you're having a peaceful weekend.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 12:28pm

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

I will spare you the entire DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Features but will try to sum up the important stuff

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:07pm

Ok Winter I know you don't like when we talk bad about your dd and I can understand that but to me it sounds like things have gotten worse with her and unless you do something drastic she is not going to lead a happy life because she is going to be the abuser. Please keep in mind I have been there with my DS and he got physical with me more then one and went after my oldest a few times in anger. We lived in fear of what he would do for a few years. I tried the lets ignore it and hope it goes away approach. I did the walking on egg shells with my son!! I lived in fear of my son hurting me because he got bigger and stronger then me.

I blamed myself for his behavior and as long as it was only directed at me I put up with it


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:54pm
Winter I think your daughter will be fine, she just needs time to grow out of it, she won't be like this forever. It's just a phase.

She's a smart kid and I do think she's going to be successful in life. She's college bound, does well in school, she is in activities, etc. Alot of this is just teenage rebel stuff, we've all been there done that.

I think the bigger the deal that is made about it, the worse the behavior is going to get. I think alot of what she does is attention seeking.
sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 3:33am
Sweets, I respectfully disagree with you, hon. Winter's dd has grown up in an abusive home and has some very serious problems that she needs professional help
to overcome. Ignoring her threats to self-injure, suicide or other just as scary actions is doing her no good and may even cause her grave harm. I also have a 13 year old dd who is a drama queen, and there's a HUGE difference in the way she acts and/or the threats that she makes. I'm truly very worried and frightened for winter's dd. Yes, there is no doubt that she will be successfull in life, as smart as she is, IF she gets the help she needs. Of course what she is doing is attention seeking, but it's negative attention. Also, if you've read all of winter's posts, you will find that her dd gets just about ALL of winter's attention. It's only when things don't go her way or become more than she can deal with on the surface that she has these meltdowns. There are some very real and very serious mental health problems going on here. which, with proper treatment, can be resolved and winter's dd will live a much healthier, happier life for having gone through it. Winter, hon, take a deep breath and do the best you can for her.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 8:49am

Sweets I hope you are right and the rest of us are wrong but part of the problem with it is Winter does not ignore the behavior she gives in and I have been there and done that and gave in sort of with my DS. I didn't want to set him off but I had to stop because I was doing him no favors and he was in counseling but it wasn't helping because he wasn't made to deal with the bad behavior. If her DD is doing this simply for attention the best course of action in my mind is to then call her bluff by calling someone, even if Winter waits till the summer so it doesn't interfere with school and for now DD's friends wouldn't have to know and no I don't agree with waiting


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 12:11pm

I was out of the board past 3 days so havent' read any of the updates. I just wanted to say, yes, I do think she has a touch of ODD, but I believe it is related to being with a abusive/disciplinarian Dad. I actually have found a therapist that is really good. I am meeting her again this week to decide game plan. I will read the other posts later in evening. Thanks again for writing everyone.