I need to get out.
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| Wed, 09-13-2006 - 10:56am |
Hi everyone. I think I posted on this board before....Anyway I think I have had it. A year ago I said I was moving out. He told me he would move out and I should stay in the house with my daughter. Well, he continues to use the house as he wants, continues to control us with money, I hate him.
Today I said I needed him to put money in the account. He wrote back and said "you are crazy."
I know witholding money has to be a form of control. This man makes A LOT of money. He wants me to be a prisoner. He wants me to just stay in this house because then he is controlling everything I do. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
So I am thinking of going to counseling with him for a very limited time - as a total last ditch effort. The first week of November that is the deadline I am giving myself to get out. I hope I can meet some new friends here. I can't continue like this.

Hi There....
One thing about counselling that I have heard is to NOT go with your partner when he is abusive. That is very important. You cannot open up enough with a counsellor with him in the room. You might still be scared of him and not say certain things because he will get mad. You have to go by yourself if it is dealing with an abusive relationship.
Are you currently living with this man? married? Is the father of your daughter this man?
You need to get out sooner rather than later and you too realize that you need to leave. Why are you saying the 1st week or November.. any specific reason for that? Do you have anyone (family or friends) that you can go and stay with? You can always go to a womens shelter for the time being.
He is controlling you... and he keeps doing it because he knows that he can control you.. FOR NOW. He has you wrapped around his finger and he will do anything to make you stay with him. You need to leave.
Sounds to me that he will never move out of the house. You will need to be the one that leaves first.
Good Luck... Lauren
Yes.... Post away. It helps a lot! Get your feelings out. Don't let them build up inside. Coming here and posting or even just reading other posts will help a lot. I hope you will get enough strength and courage to pack up and leave this man. You deserve so much more.
It might only be emotionally / verbal abuse now but that doesn't mean that physical abuse won't happen anytime soon. It could happen tonight, or tomorrow, or next Thursday. It is a rollercoaster with abusers and you can never tell how high or low or which way they will turn.
Keep us updated on how you are doing.
Lauren
Are you thinking of marriage counseling, or of counseling just for you? I ask, because marriage counseling is often a waste of time with abusers. For it to work, both parties have to acknowledge that there is a problem and accept their parts in it. Doing those things is not something abusers most generally care to do- they don't consider their behavior to be a problem!
That said, when you do decide to leave, the best thing to do is to contact your local DV shelter so that they can help you formulate a plan. If there isn't one close to you, you can call the national hotline so that they can direct you. That number, and other handy info, is accessible through the board website, linked at the top of our Start page.
Good luck, and don't try to rush yourself. Leaving isn't always as easy as just walking out the door, and it takes careful planning, particularly with an abuser. Please do keep us posted.