I need some help here figuring thingsout

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
I need some help here figuring thingsout
2
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:22pm
My 16yo DD has come to me telling me she is afraid of her Dad - my husband. He has slapped her in the face - once that he confessed to me. She says he has slapped her 8 times over the past 3 years. I know she smarts off, but I also know she doesn't deserve to be slapped. She tells me he has done this when I am not around to witness it. OK - so help me understand, when is it abuse? Should someone NEVER slap? What do I do? Leaving him seeems to be one answer - but all that goes with that seems so hard also - I'm just in a quandry & I need somewhere "safe" to talk about it all. I can't go to anyone with this just yet - I have fear that it could all backfire. CPS comes in - takes my daughter -etc. I guess my question here is where is the line? What is abuse vs. loss of control over someone smart mouthing their parent? I also have a son that he has been rough with (tried to kick him - but mostly missed - pushed and shoved him around. He also one time (10 years ago) slapped me, but never did it again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:53am
IMO, I would certainly say that it is highly unacceptable for your DH to be slapping your 16 yr. old DD. To me, it is abusive. There are so many other alternatives that can be taken when she mouths off or steps out of line. As to what consequences she should be given is something you and your DH need to discuss and agree upon together (that is, if you decide to stay).

Nevertheless, since she says she is afraid of him, and you've already considered the idea of leaving, if it were me, I'd leave. I believe under these circumstances, my first obligation would be to protect my child. If you have the financial means to get an apartment, moving out may also serve to give your DH a serious wake up call that slapping anyone in the family will no longer be tolerated. If you don't have the means to get an apartment just yet, hopefully a relative or friend can be of assistance.

All the best to you and your children,

Heymum

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:58am

Hi Priscilla, welcome -


There's something other than the slap going on if she's scared of him.

CL-Blueliner4