I need some help on this issue please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
I need some help on this issue please...
2
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 12:47pm

I need some help on this issue please...
Saturday night my girlfriend of six months and I went to a party, and she proceeded to get a little drunk... well she accidentally knocked me into a tikki torch, and my hair caught on fire! My hair is so long, so it could have potentially been really bad, but fortunately I put it out quick enough. Here's the tricky part though..., in the 10 seconds that it happened, after I put it out, I turned and lightly slapped my girlfriend... in front of her two friends. I know this is a HUGE no-no, and if I could take it back, I would. But I wasnt thinking very rationally, and it was just my reaction to seeing my hair on fire, knowing it could have been really bad, and my girlfriend was the cause.
Well, she didnt take being slapped to well. She said he would rather be spit on then slapped, its such an insult, why was that my reaction, my hair isnt as important as my girlfriend, Samson and Dalila was actually brought up by one of her friends.... she continued to say all kinds of things about being slapped, not once apologizing for accidentally pushing me into the flames. I told her I didnt want to fight, and tried to walk away. Well, we ended up leaving, and called it a night. Yesterday we decided to talk about it, and she continued to try to make me feel really bad. In the grand scheme of things, the incident is not that big of a deal, but I think she is milking the situation because she has a temper herself, and this one time I lost my temper. I was supposed to go to her family's house yesterday for a BBQ, but we both decided it wasnt a good idea. The whole family was asking about me, and she made sure to tell me that today, again trying to make me feel bad. My question is, should I suck it up, and let her vent, or is she wrong to continue this, and just has anger issues? How I decide to handle this could make or break our relationship. I really care about her, but Im embarressed and hurt. I dont want her or her friends to think Im an a$$ with a temper, cuz thats just not true. I dont know if I can ever face them again..We broke up once already because of her temper, but things were fine until this happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 3:09pm

Hi,
First, let me get this out of the way. It's NEVER acceptable or justifiable to put your hands on another human being in a harmful or hurtful way,unless of course you're defending yourself..and then there are limits. I can see why you were upset,you could have been seriously hurt,but we need to think before we react.It was an accident.

If your g/f indeed has anger issues, then maybe she needs to seek professional help for that.I think that by hitting her, you may have enforced her negative behavior by showing her that it's OK to hit.

Please don't get me wrong, men are abused also.Maybe not as often as women,but it does happen.You may need to ask yourself if staying together is in both of your best interests.Sometimes loving someone is not enough, you need to be compatible as well to make it work.

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 5:55pm
i have to agree...putting your hands on someone is never right but i cant say i have never reacted to a situation without thinking...one time my ex bumped into me by accident and i fell off my parents deck and when he came to help me, i slapped him across the face...i knew it was wrong, felt bad, but it was done...and he did exactly what ur g/f did and held it over me for days.....but back on track, like the PP said, sometimes loving someone is not enough to make it work...if she has anger problems, then perhaps they bring out bad things in you as well, which is a lethal combination...while blame cant be placed on either her or you, i have two things to say...1. you were not right to hit her, no one should be hit, kicked punched, etc. and 2. she shouldn't be holding this over you especially if it is an isolated incident...if that is her way to deal with problems then she may need help...