I need someone to talk to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
I need someone to talk to
3
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:12am

I am so unhappy. I think I have finally, after many back and forth attempts, gotten rid of my emotionally abusive bf.

I feel so miserable. I have a great family and a great dog, but I feel so lonely. I miss the best friend side of my relationship and having someone to talk to everyday. I've been depressed for such a long time that I'm so worried that I'll never make it back. I want to be happy. I want to find a healthy relationship, I want to start a family, but I am so far from it that I'm not sure I'll ever make it.

I've given up all hope. My counseler won't be available for two weeks and depression medication can only do so much. I'm trying so hard to keep busy, but its not working.

How do you recover from an emotionally abusive relationship? We're not even together and still feel like he has control over me. I feel like I'm going crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:19pm

Aggie:

I know exactly how you feel. Here is my take on it:

I am almost at day 90 of leaving my abusive ex bf. He has tried to come back into my life several times, used my birthday as a big excuse to get back. I know and knew in my heart when I decided I didn't want him and his abuse anymore that I was done with him. Yes, I missed the best bud part of us. I missed and still miss our daily phone talks. But I don't miss my tears and fear anymore and that is what I hold on to when I get sad, lonely or upset. I have come this far. This is now your time to get to relearn about you. I have immersed myself with my friends and family. I call them every day and have replaced his nastiness with love and support from my circle of love outside of that bad relationship. Also, do a lot of reading and research about emotional abuse. It will help you see clearly that you are not the first person in the world to go through this and others have gone through it and ended up with happy and fufilling lives.

Take the dog for a walk, invite Mom and Dad over for dinner, volounteer at a homeless shelter. I have found too that during this hard time the more I did for others, kind gestures, help someone move, the more I was there helping others the more I thought about what I want for the future and how my ex was not there for me and it was all about him.

You are not alone. This board has helped me so much too. Dig around the board, read the articles, surf the web. I found this website www.youarenotcrazy.com you might want to check it out. It has info about healthy vs. unhealthy love. the more research I did, the more I learned that leaving was the best thing for me and I am proud and excited for my future and you should be too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 8:38pm

Big hugs, Aggie.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:27pm

Hang in there, as you said in your post to me, we are in very similar stages right now. I also am so lonely, even when surrounded by friends and family. I loved being married, having what I've learned to be now as false security. I have to force myself to remember all the horrible things he has done to me and tried to blame me for. I have to force myself to keep moving forward with a divorce I never imagined or wanted to happen.

Keep me posted as to how you are doing with things, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I can offer the cyberspace one:) I am trying to believe what everyone says, it will get easier, so, try to do that with me...... please, for you:)