I need support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
I need support!
4
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 9:08pm

Hello everyone, I just wanted to introduce myself. This is my first time on this message board. I am going through hell right now. It has been one week since my husband beat me for the last time.

Here is my story. On February 10, 2005 I met whom is now my husband (soon to be ex). He was visting here (Los Angeles) from the South of France. Well anyway, we fell in love almost immediately. We hung out for the remaining 3 days he was here and then he went back to France. 3 weeks later, he came back to LA and we got married 3 months after that. WAY TO SOON - In the beginning things were awesome, but there was always little things (that were no big deal) that would strike my instinct as weird. Then we started having arguments, and he would just freak out (not hitting me) but just being completely unreasonable - accusing me of things, and twisting things around. So as you all know it just got worse and worse til he finally hit me, scared the living daylights out of me - this has never happened to me before. After he was sorry, promised it would never happen again...you all know the drill. Well it did again and again and again...and I am DONE!

I am just having such mixed feelings...I am not even sure I love him anymore for what he has done to me. I feel broken and confused and angry. I feel as though there is some I could have done to avoid this. I feel as though I can never trust again.

Thanks for listening. I am glad I found this group because at the moment I feel so alone and it helps to talk with others that have gone through this mind F*&a%!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:17am

I'm so sorry that your husband beat you. I understand the anger, fear, and confusion that you're feeling. You're in the right place, here, though. There are understanding women here to help you out.

Probably the best thing we can do to protect ourselves is to learn the red flags to look out for when we're dating someone, and then date him for a good long time before we move in or marry him.

Anger is a good emotion to hold on to right now. It'll help motivate you to protect yourself and to make the right decisions. You have every right to be angry because nobody has a right to hit you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 11:43am

We kind of have a morbid in-joke around here, that it seems like all the abusers read the same manual, and it sounds to me like yours read the manual too. :P Moving that quickly is a classic abuser move; the idea is to get you entangled before you realize what is going on, and they are masters at it. Mine was claiming he loved me two weeks after we met, and wanting to get married a month in. (We didn't.) He was hiding my birth control pills a month after that. (I found them.) Don't feel stupid, because you are far from the first to be taken in, and you will, sadly, probably be far from the last.

What you need to do now is get away from him. Is he still living with you? One of the CLs on the sister board is from the LA area and should have some ideas on resources.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 3:40pm

Thank you for your responses. I am going to be very needy for a while, I am so depressed. I am lucky to have such a wonderful boss whom has been very understanding of my situation.

You asked me if he was living with me? Well he wasn't until last night he came by (apparently he has been in a hotel). He asked me if he could just stay for a few days until he found an apt. I know I should boot his ass on the street, but he is from another country and really has no one or no where to go! Whereas I have many friends and places to go - but I feel like I don't deserve that! He abused me, why should I pack all my things b/c he chose to abuse me? Anyway, I told him he has until Sunday (I am leaving town with my friend tomorrow for the weekend). Should I trust him to be in the house alone? UGH! My head feels like its going to explode!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:25pm

Welcome, ddinkle.