I never imagined...
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| Thu, 12-01-2005 - 10:47pm |
Just thought I'd give you all an update (formerly flipper12681)...
I ended up quitting my job yesterday because of the threat, and I am soooo glad I did. Even being in that town gave me the creeps and I felt like there were eyes watching me everywhere I went. I've been having nightmares since I've been home and know that it just would've been one big nightmare living in that town.
So, as if the emotional and physical abuse wasn't enough--he has stolen a LOT of money from me. We're going to be meeting with an attorney soon and we think we could charge him with grand larceny--which, with the amount of money involved, would include jail time because it's a felony. Maybe then he'll pay for SOME of what he's done. I went to the bank when I was in town and was informed that the checking account we had together went from several thousand dollars to $350 in the red starting the day I left. He began siphoning (sp?) the money out of the account when he started to suspect I wasn't coming home. And that's only the beginning... Needless to say, the bank's legal team is looking into it too.
There's just so much going on right now, I feel like I'm getting ready to just break in two. I'm so....sad, confused, angry, hurt, resentful, tired, and just overall depressed. I'm still functioning and everything, but if I didn't have people around me constantly, I think I'd just collapse. I cry every night as I fall asleep--not about anything specific, really--just the hurt and loss of innocence(?)that I feel.
I don't know if I told you guys or not, but I was married at this time last year. I left him (a day after our first anniversary) because he was abusive (in other ways) and jumped into this relationship too quickly. So, in the past two years, I've been married, divorced, lost my grandmother, and survived this relationship.
I don't want to be a victim...I want to be a survivor. Since I had to leave my job, I don't have mental health benefits anymore. My parents live in a small town (where I am now) and counseling services aren't available. I know I need it, but it might have to wait until I get a new job. Maybe I should just get a few books to read until I can get into counseling?
flipper

Glad to hear from you, Flipper.
I am curious about this grand larceny. CAHL stole over 30k (even falsifying a signature to do so) when I filed for divorce. Nothing ever happened to him. He siphened over 100k during the last two years of the marriage. The first I have proof of already. The second one I would have to pay to get the bank to print out the information for me. The judge confronted him on it and he just gave a dirty look and said 'I needed it to start my life over again' to his face. The court just shrugged it off. Nobody said it could be considered a crime. I was lead to believe that because the property was not divided yet, they could not determine whether I was entitled to it or not. I was also told by the investment firms involved that he had a right to take it, being that he was part owner. I was frustrated because I thought they should have to require both parties to agree before any money could be withdrawn. So please tell me what you find out.
Regarding ever getting any back from him, I doubt that will ever happen. And frankly he terrifies me so much that I would be hesitant to jab him with that one, only to have to deal with him again. (he has disappeared off the face of the earth...at least I hope)
You are already on your way to putting the whole mess behind you. I know it takes time to wind down, but things will start to improve over the coming months. And I agree that counseling would be a good idea. I had wondered if it was absolutely necessary, but later realized I was more of an emotional mess, due to all of this, than I thought. The wounds often run deeper than you think, and better to treat them early on, rather than let them fester until you really can't manage. It will also help to avoid as radical an emotional roller coaster ride that one faces after getting out of an abusive situation. You can't get rid of the pain totally, only time can do that, but you can start gathering up your 'team' of supporters to help you through it.
cl-blueliner4
co-CL for Domestic Abuse: New Beginnings
CL for Los Angeles Living
CL-Blueliner4
I am trying really hard...
All of this is really taking its toll on me now. I feel like I'm floundering with all that needs to be done. I'm doing my freelance writing full-time and have a deadline tomorrow that I don't know how I'm going to meet. I've got applications for jobs that need to be filled out and sent in... I'm still dealing with trying to get my stuff back AND the possibility of taking legal action against him. Plus, I'm still getting daily emails from him (that I read--stupid, I know...but we're using email to communicate with him about trying to get my stuff back).
Anyway, yesterday I had a REALLY hard time concentrating and focusing on what needs to be done. I feel like I'll never get on top of everything and that makes it hard to start. I'm on meds, but like another poster said, they can only do so much. Well, also...on top of everything else, I'm staying with my parents. I haven't stayed here more than two days since I left for college at 18--about 7 years ago. My dad's making it really hard to get my writing done because he's just so happy about having me home, he wants to talk to me constantly. I know they were REALLY worried about me (had the police come to the house and filed a report when no one would answer the door--my ex refused to and got really worked up and started to scare me) and are just thankful I'm at home and safe.
What do some of you do (or have done) on a daily basis to try to get through it? Are there things that you say to yourself?
flipper