I should have stayed gone the first time
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 01-31-2006 - 11:15pm |
So now how do I end it?
In Sept 2001 he took a sword to my throat and threaten to kill me-I called the police and sent him to jail. I took him back two weeks later.
Two small children.
He had "only" pushed me, slapped me, grabbed me by the collar and kicked me in the chest while pregnant.
Then I packed up and left again in June 2003 after he grabbed me again. My father died two weeks later and it was just easier to go back. I went back to him.
Then I left Sept 2003 after he grabbed me by the collar and slammed me up against the wall. It doesn't matter what we were fighting over-he did it. He also never took care of the babies like he should-no diaper changes and never fixed them lunch, only bottles or juice. I left him and took him back six months later.
Three years later he doesn't hit me or grab me. He promise to get help-never did, promise to quit drinking never did. He does take the "babies" to school. I work part time. He use to make me pay rent but that stopped in Sept. I make only around 700 a month and rent was 300, I bought the food and household stuff and the things for the kids. asking for money was like pulling teeth.
Now I don't pay rent, still trying to get out of debt-slowly ever slowly while he buys new things chairs and TVs and whatever. I don't have to pay rent but I do buy food and stuff for the kids and house. He thinks I should be able to get out of debt myself. I don't ask for help anymore-its a no-why bother.
One of my kids has special needs so is in special ed preschool and OT once a week. So working part time is a must until he is better.
Sept. 2004 he snapped for no reason and told me he would make it worth my while if I ever called the cops on him again. I was so shaken by it that I called my sister-crying barely able to talk-I was scared to death. The next day he asked and begged forgiveness.
Last May 2005 he called the cops on me after he turned all the power off in the house-i turn it on three different times and he turned it back off because he was mad at me and went down to the basement where he had lights and I was upstairs. After the third time I lost it-I took my arm across his computer desk and knocked his printer off of it-out of anger. He was not upstairs, only me and the kids were fast asleep. I shouldn't have, it was just enough of it. He called the cops. The cops told me to be careful (they could arrest me if they thought it was serious for destruction of community property but they said they weren't going to-they knew he was messing with me-mind games) and file a restraining order on him. He had also turned off the water on the street too.
The next day he said it was because I called the cops on him before-he was returning the favor.
It was completely stupid of me to throw that printer down, I shouldnt have done it.
Last July he refused to put my son's bike together for his birthday and I had my nephew do it-he then said-that he would have done it. He refused to put it together because I didnt cook dinner one night and that's my job.
I cook 9 times out of ten, the one time I don't he complains that its my job. His job is mowing the lawn-oh sure dead of winter, and on a riding lawn mower no less. We had a b-day party for our daughter Saturday, I set up, I picked up the cake, I bought all the stuff, I bought three of the presents-he only bought one of them-$16. Thanks. (keep in mind this is his daughter-not "ours"- I consider her a daughter-but we only have two together) After I cleaned up everything it was 7 and I was tired. he asked what was for dinner I said whatever you cook-he copped a attitude and then when I told him that I was tired, I set up , I cleaned up with no help from him he said it was my job.
He figures since I work 22.5 hours a week and don't pay rent or the other bills it is my job. Since when do we have jobs? I thought we were a team? Go mow the lawn-I did when I was six months pregnant and working full time and paid my half of the bills on a push mower. Whatever was his answer. Seriously I think I am suppose to jump when he says jump.
His mouth-he hates, hates hates women all women. He is vile in regards to this, we live in a woman state, the state always favors women. Can you believe it? That's what he claims. I also do not trust him not to come after me again. Its in him. That's all I know. Its there festering underneath of it. He does love me-yes as twisted as that is, I believe that he loves me in the only way he knows how.
Then his friend was over watching football with him two weeks ago. His friend was literally chasing me, CHASING me all over the house, yes he is also a drinker! @@ I am not. His friend chased me and was tickling me and I was telling him to stop. At one point I hid in my bedroom-come back out his friend started it again so I jumped on my husbands lap thinking he would tell his friend to finally stop-I am literally saying no-get off me and leave me alone while I am fighting this idiot's hands trying to tickle me. Gosh knows. My husband just was pushing me off of him and had a silly smile on his face as if he was amused by it! I finally went back to my room and called my sister, we went shopping. When we came back the game was over and this friend proceeded to tell me how I should do things to his private area (I am leaving it at that). Right in front of my husband. My husband smiles and says, "dude she wont even suck me-she was mouth raped when she was little" WTH? When I was 24 I was attacked and my attacker held me down. Only my husband knows this. The friend begged a few more times before the neighbor guy side tracked him into wrestling. @@ These guys are grown men-like 37, 38 years old.
Next day I ask my husband why he didn't tell him not to touch me, because its your body. I said I told him not to touch me and my husband said, well evidently he didn't take you serious enough what do you want me to do? I said to tell him to get your hands off my wife and why did you bring up that other comment? He didn't know what I was talking about. BUT I DID and THAT IS HURTFUL! He didn't get it nor does he care.
Sorry this is long and it is a ramble. I am just confused and sad and don't know what to do.

This is NOT Love. If you get anything from my post, please get THAT.
Hon, don't kick yourself over the past.
I guess that is what has really distrubed me, his little sickening smile on his face when I came and sat on his lap to try and get away from his idoit friend.
Super bowl is coming up and its going to be a huge party-I invited the idoits girlfriend personally to make sure she is here to avoid any problems. I called and told her I was calling to get a count of people coming so I could order food and of course I want her here. She said she was coming. I left out anything her boyfriend did. My sister told me that if he does that again to pick up the phone and call his girlfriend and hand him the phone. I think that is a ogod idea. Me running away from him made it into a sick game. I was not amused by it. Why in the wrold would my husband sit there and say nothing when this idiot is wanting me to do things-and he is not joking, he is serious! I can tell the difference, no smile, no laughter, just a serious tone-come suck...GAG!
I don't get it.
For the most part my husband has been okay lately. Its the past things adding up to this latest thing, kwim?
Section 8 and housing authorty wait list opened up for three days and I filled out an application for me and my children. I left off that I was married. I just need to get on that list and hope something opens soon. We own this house but working part time it would be hard to swing it. If I wasnt with my husband my son would get ssi. Together we have a thousand over in the resource limit. But ssi told me my son quaified if it wasn't for the resource being to high. SO atleast I know I would have that to help with raising my son who does have special needs.
I am making sure all my ducks are in a row. KWIM?