I think he's at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
I think he's at it again
4
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:16pm

Hello again to all. I've posted here quite awhile back about my SIL, who is still with the emotionally abusive boyfriend. Things have been reasonably quiet over there for some time, but this latest incident has me pretty concerned.

We were at MIL's house today, and she mentioned that our DN (SIL's daughter) may have to repeat kindergarten. I was kind of surprised to hear this, since DN is a smart little girl and has always made good grades, so I asked why. She said it was because she had missed a whole lot of days of school. I asked why she had missed so much school, and supposedly it was due to bronchitis and asthma. The thing is, Al the Evil (her dad, SIL's boyfriend) is supposed to be getting her doctor's excuses for these absences and is not doing it. So, as far as the school knows they're just keeping her home for no good reason. He's also not bothering to buy her the inhalers she needs, to keep her from having as many attacks in the first place.

I'm also not so sure about the asthma story to begin with. I mean, she does have it, and she's not really getting it properly treated, but when we've been around her, she's never seemed as sickly as I'd think a child with chronic lung problems would, and I've only ever seen her have one asthma attack when I've been present. Wouldn't you think that a child with such severe asthma that it's kept her out of school enough to get her held back a grade would have attacks often enough that I'd have seen more than one in six years? I'm just worried that something else may be going on (either some type of abuse, or he's just not bothering to send her to school) that's causing her to miss all these days.

I don't know what to do about all of this, whether I should report all of this to CPS or what. If I do, Al will just lie his way out of the whole thing and manage to make me look like a troublemaking psycho, but I hate to let this slide! SIL is now claiming that she's going to leave in August when the lease expires on their current apartment, but she's been claiming that she's going to leave him for the last two and a half years, and y'know, I just don't believe her any more. (I'm sorry to sound so harsh on her, but bottom line is, she has a lot more options to protect herself from this guy than DN does, and she simply isn't taking them.) What to do?

UCAUTIONIN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP ERIN AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.
From Go-Quiz.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:27pm
It sounds like she is so worn down by her boyfriend that she is neglecting her child. And it is neglect. Either she didn't get the child to school often enough or she didn't get the notes from the doctor(yes I read that he was supposed to but if he won't then she needs to). If it was me, I would report them. It is not fair to deprive a child of an education.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 10:56am

I felt compelled to respond to you, as I have a 6 yo dd with asthma and she too has missed alot of school. She has been in the hospital, lots of dr's visits, lots of medication. I asked for a drs. note each and every time she missed more than 2 days of school, so I know it is possible for your sil and her bf to get these. Why they don't, is anybody's guess, therefore the school has every right to believe that she is just not attending. I'm surprised that the school hasn't filed truancy charges against the parents and taken them to court.

Your sil and her bf are being very neglectful of their dd's health and welfare, so IMO, you should report them. I believe that you can stay anonymous when this is reported. They will not know it was you who turned them in. It could have been the school or another concerned family member or friend who did this and they will never know who did, unless you tell them. Therefore, you should report this asap.

My STBX (2 days and counting for final divorce hearing) asked for a GAL to be assigned to our dd because he had "grave concerns" that I wasn't taking care of our dd. Unfortunately for him, the report from the GAL went totally against him and he has been declared the neglectful party and branded a "terrible father" by the GAL himself. We have been in and out of court concerning our dd, but as of friday morning, his visitation has been cut drastically to 6 hours a week w/no overnights. He doesn't give her the medication that has been prescribed by her dr. and she suffers attack after attack when she is returned to me after being over there. The tables were turned because I am the only one who has taken care of our dd. Ever!

You are a loving and caring person and need to think of this child. She deserves to have as much of a normal life as possible, so don't feel bad if you have to take drastic action to protect her. They won't, so you must!

Huge hugs to you and her!

Images hosted by photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:43pm

Hey Erin -


I have to agree with Hope and Gehring.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 4:52pm
I have to say I agree that you should report them. This child is having her health and education neglected and she doesn't deserve that.
I can't see the father being able to get away with it so easily when there is evidence from the school that she is not attending.
Stress can make asthma attacks worse btw. She's no doubt getting caught up in the emotional abuse.
Whatever is happening, she deserves better.