I think he's taking his anger out on ds!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
I think he's taking his anger out on ds!
5
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 5:39pm

Hi,

I recently got our custody order amended to state that there won't be any contact between me and the ex. Major victory for me, but guess what??? Now I think he's taking his anger out on our son, who's only 5 and who is just about the sweetest little person ever. After we went through the whole boundary-setting issue, I haven't gotten the regular angry emails (he's only allowed to write me once a day now), but my ds came back from his time with his dad completely frantic. He's been fidgeting like crazy, chewing on everything (yes, he has actually been chewing on the wooden side of his bed, among other things). His teacher told me yesterday he has been having to go pee constantly and won't even ask to go, but holds himself and starts shaking all over. He's also been having meltdowns which hasn't happened since he was a toddler. I asked ds what's wrong and he turned away from me.

Ds in in play therapy with someone really nice. But I'd like to know, has anyone else gotten the strong feeling that your abusive ex is taking out his anger towards you out on the kids? And what can I do about this? Help, I really want to shelter my ds from everything. I wish I could be there to protect him all the time. I wish I could take his sadness away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 6:33pm

hon, I'd talk with his therapist immediately.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:34am
Definitely tell your son's therapist. When our niece started having episodes of incontinence at school, it turned out to be because her dad was telling her stuff like "Mommy won't let me in the house" (true- he had his own!) and she was having a hard time dealing with it. These louts will stop at nothing to keep getting to us, and children are often just pawns to them. :( I also agree to have the discussion about how your son should tell you if other things are happening. You just never know.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:42am
Thanks to both of you for your replies and advice. Luckily, his therapist does have a lot of experience and qualifications (in addition to just being a very sweet grandmotherly person!). I think with the therapist's help and the advice I got here, things will get better. I might never know what has caused his change in behavior, but I think the therapist's awareness of the change in his behavior will help things not get any worse. BTW, ds and I had a really great afternoon/evening yesterday.
Thanks again to everyone for your good thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:35am
Keep us poted, hon.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 8:20pm
My ex did over 5 years ago. He ended up in prison for 6 years. He thought the only way he could make me mad was abusing my daughter. My daughter and I have survived, and he took prison time with a 2nd degree Felony, which has ruined his life. So what ever you can for him not to see you child, it will be worth it in the end for the both of you!! Just keep a positive attitude no matter what lies ahead. The bond between you and your child will be forever and trustworthy with no limitations.