I think I am really MAD now....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
I think I am really MAD now....
3
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 6:28pm

My son was telling me that his grandmother on his dad's side called him yesterday while I was out counseling. She proceeded to tell him that this "divorce" was not his dad's fault but MY fault. Most grandmothers (normal ones anyway) would be trying to reassure the kids that the kids were not to blame but the parents....how does she get off trying to dump all of that BS on my son...anyway...

He was upset but not at me. He is furrious with both is dad and his grandmother. He so wanted to tell her the facts that his dad has conviently omitted when explaining what was going on.

I gave him permission to do one of two things. 1) he can let it rip and tell her exactly what he wants and he does not have to hold anything in or 2) he can say "I am not getting in the middle of all of that and I suggest you do the same....

This is of course after Mark has not "had any money" to buy groceries for HIS kids but can eat steak every night, and the kids have been told they can have things yet Mark does not come through with is promises...sigh.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 12:27am
Doesn't surprise me one bit. Blood runs thicker than water. it is never their son's fault. And she should not even bring this up to her grandson..except reassuring him he is going to be ok.. But I am finding same thing as you. He grew up in a abusive home with an ocd mother. He got the worst of both but no, son can do no wrong. I am at least glad your son got through their webs of lies. Mine is the opposite, still blaming me for everything. Maybe one day she will see it ..maybe not. I like your 2) answer. That shows who the mature one is.
About the money, yes it is unfortunate..unless men are ordered to pay (by court) they will heave and hum..I hope he does though..better if they call him and say dad..can i make a trip with you to walmart...or other store..buy everything ..and dad shells out his money. I hope you soon can start your practice so that the money can get a bit easier. good luck
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 12:32am
Doesn't surprise me one bit. Blood runs thicker than water. it is never their son's fault. And she should not even bring this up to her grandson..except reassuring him he is going to be ok.. But I am finding same thing as you. He grew up in a abusive home with an OCD mother. He got the worst of both but no, son can do no wrong. I am at least glad your son got through their webs of lies. Mine is the opposite, still blaming me for everything. Maybe one day she will see it ..maybe not. I like your 2) answer. That shows who the mature one is.
About the money, yes it is unfortunate..unless men are ordered to pay (by court) they will heave and hum..I hope he does though..better if they call him and say dad..can i make a trip with you to walmart...or other store..buy everything ..and dad shells out his money. I hope you soon can start your practice so that the money can get a bit easier. good luck
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 8:34am
Oh, Kat, I know you just want to drop-kick that woman through the goalposts of life. I LOVE that you gave him the option of "blowing her doors in". Perhaps he could do a combination of the two. Tell her the honest, unvarnished truth and THEN inform her that he is choosing option 2 from that point forward.

As for Mark not providing for his kids? I know you didn't really EXPECT him to be that helpful? And as for the "things" he's promised them - how about the kids asking him to "put it in writing", lol? Not that it would do any good, but, unless he is a complete dunderhead, it might niggle at him that they don't trust his spoken word anymore. Oh, I woke up early and I'm being a stinker this morning.

Hang in there, hon. Better days are ahead. Sounds like Mama Bear is alive and well at your house. Do what you have to do

Mama Harmony