I think i escaped just in time (new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
I think i escaped just in time (new here
2
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 1:56pm

Hello everyone,
A friend of mine recomended this site and after reading i decided to post a lil about my story.

I bumped into this guy that i had been an aquaintace of for 4 years in March, then we saw eachother again in April. For those 4 years he would hit on me and i would just not make too much of it....but this time the attraction took over and i said what the heck.

He is 45 and i am 29~ and the age difference never came into play....so we met for drinks one nite and he invited me back to his place, but i didnt go. He called me daily and would invite me over for dinner, but i wasnt comfotable yet with going to his place so i declined, so he invited me to the movies, was the perfect gentleman...we hung out at his place after the movie and it was very nice. We met for lunch a few times, as well, since he lived very close to my work. He hung up on me though one nite after he had been drinking because he asked me a question and i got silent.......i called him right back and told him if he ever did that again he was history (that was when i was still in control) Then he lost his job and all hell broke loose...we had plans to meet one nite and he didnt call me because he was taking care of getting a new cell phone....this annoyed me as my last bf would stand me up like this all the time.....this happend one more time as well...when he decided to hang out with a friend....he did offer for us to go out later, but instead called me and left a msg saying he was heading to the friends....then called again later that nite......i didnt answer. Our phone conversation became longer and it basically became me defending myself a lot. he would say i was being standoffish......couldnt i feel what he felt that feeling when we were together, why didnt i trust him. I told him i felt that feeling, which i did, but because of my past i really wanted to take thing slow....and maybe that was why he felt i was being standoffish. When we were together he would cook me dinner, we would listen to country music...and it just felt very right in his arms....very very right. In person he was a nice guy....although he did make promises he didnt keep like how we never played basketball....even though he knew i liked it and said we would play....somthing always came up.

To make a long story short....everything fell apart once i got sick with bronchitis...i went to his place on a thursday nite, he cooked me dinner...all was good, i asked if we could do something friday nite, he said he was super busy with his new job and would call me. Well all day friday i was really very sick...and i really didnt expect him to call me, but he did. The conversation was strange....he asked if i still wanted to do something, and i said that was a difficult decision as i really wasnt feeling well, was sick all day and already turned down 3 invites out. He said it sounds like you are blaming me for being sick, my reply was no its me nothing to do with you...i ran myself down. He said i was so hard to read sometimes, told me to go home and get rest and would call later. Well, he never called, so i called him on Sunday nite...he sounded mad, and he was. He said he was so depressed over our conversation on friday and how i said it wasnt him but was me......he just couldnt understand it. I told him i had no clue that he was upset. he also said that i couldnt have gotten that sick overnite....and went on to tell me maybe we were just meant to be friends and not lovers, maybe the timing was off...i seemed standoffish...it was like a roller coaster ride. Stupid me asks him if i can stop over the next day and show him my new car. He said he was up for that, so i called him when i got out of work....everything was going well, he liked my car, it started to rain so he put it in his garage, then cooked me a nice dinner. After dinner things got real wierd. He sat on the opposite end of the couch, i finally joined him and tried kissing him, but he was watching TV (he NEVER was like this)..I said i was going to leave, but before i left i told him i now know what he meant by being standoffish i could see it now...he held his head and told me his head was all messed up...i felt bad so i stayed a lil while longer....then i told him that i needed to be with someone that wanted to be with me. He told me he didnt know if he wanted to be with me, he didnt think he could focus on work and have a relationship. I told him well he could go have fun celebrating being rid of me. With that he flew into a rage...saying how could i say somethiing like that to him after all we have been thru...did i actually think he wanted to be single for the rest of his life. I apologized and he calmed down for a lil bit, but then when i started crying he got very mad...handed me a tissue and told me to go home and be upset! This wasnt the end all be all of either of us...i shouldnt allow it to affect the rest of my life, i should go to work the next day. As this all came out of nowhere i was stunned...he kept ranting i have to go to bed, i have to go to bed..he then said that if he was the incredible hulk he would have been green...he was that mad. He kicked me out and slammed the door.
I called him 5 days later~ it was then the verbal abuse escualted, he saw me as his daughter...i was like a daughter to him now...and all this other crap....i called him again a few days later and it all changed....it was a better conversation and he said if our lives were in different places it would probably work out, but right now it wouldnt. He again had to get to bed..and when i didnt say ok i will let you go then...he hung up on me. I bumped into him about 2 weeks later while at a happy hour, ended up talking to him in lenght about everything, but since it was in person...it wasnt so harsh. He had to focus on work and wanted me to know that was the only reason we couldnt be together...nothing else. He couldnt understand why we were talking for hours in his kitchen and not all over eachother.....(i will also add we never had sex)

The last phone conversation i had with him he told me that he could abuse me but he wasnt going to, so see it as a blessing....i need someone my own age, a nice guy...there are 3 million men that want to be with me...and im looking in all the wrong places...i wont find him, but he will find me...he sees great things for me in my future.

thanks for reading....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 2:17pm

Welcome to the board Mich...


First of all, yes, there is a bit of an age difference there, but it doesn't excuse his behavior.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 3:39pm

Welcome, mich. Yes, you did get out just in time. This guy was playing some really sick games with your mind. He made sure you didn't get away with doing anything right. I hope the crack about his finding you was just a brush-off. I'd suggest completely avoiding contact with him.

Glad you found us, mich. Hang out, post, read, and above all take care of you. Hugs.