I went to church today!
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I went to church today!
| Sun, 04-10-2005 - 3:31pm |
I did it. I went to church today! I am so proud. It was really scarey since I have developed a nasty case of agoraphobia, but when I got realy anxious I just got up and went to the bathroom, let it out, and went back in. H isn't home. Its really peaceful! I didn't mention the religion thing in my first post. H told me a year ago he would attend services with me as long as I didn't argue with him, and call him any names etc(he always calls me names, and I called them back.). Well he started bullying me soon after the committment, and I tried to not argue for a long time, but then in the last several months since Christmas he stopped us from going saying "you renigged on your promise". I knew in my heart it wasn't right. But today I went alone. I arranged for my car to be home last night so that I had a ride. Older son and I have to share a car. H drives the new one. Whatever. Mom told me that she loved me and that no matter what God would take care of us. Of course I have to do my part too and accept that H is abusive, and that I can not change him, that I have to change me. I admit I am frightened about my income changing, the possibility of moving, having to seek outside employment etc. but I know that I am not left alone in this. That each day will be a new adventure. That life may become hard for awhile but that a new day awaits outside of the birdcage. I just have to learn to spread my wings and fly.

How awesome !!! I know how you feel. I am sooo depressed I go no where cept where I have to. I actually HATE being out. I don't know. So much work. I like you have medical issues also, maybe that is part of it. The fighting and mental stress is sooo much I feel like I am too dang full to even get the energy up to do anything and go anywhere. Then I get knocked for NOT wanting to do anything LMAO hello.
Anyway you sound like your head is in the rite place. Congrats on the big victory. You go girl.