I wish i could erase part of my life
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| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 8:13pm |
hi, i'm new to this site, but i've been on other message boards. I didnt even know there's one for domestic abuse, found this by accident. I attended support groups in person but i have 4kids (2 mine, 2 bf's), work a full time job and manage the household so attending regularly is difficult. Anyways i'm glad to find you guys. I married my ex husband at 18 we were married for 6 years but i never knew i was in an abusive relationship until the end, the cycle was so typical but unless you know of someone who's abused you wouldnt know what the cycle is. I was slowly losing my friends, i hardly attend family or any social functions because it was much easier to not bother then to explain his behavior to people. I stopped doing things i like and at some point i was just glad to have my kids. Then he decided to move us from the east coast to the west coast because our marriage was suffering from family interferance. He promised me he had a job lined up and our life will be better. I knew 2 days after we arrive in Nevada that it was a lie. He had no job. I found a job real quick to support us. Nex thing i know i was being accused of having an affair. Then i found out he called my mom to take care of our kids because they'll never see me again. He stayed in jail for 2 days but somehow manages to convince a friend to post bail. I flew back here and he followed. That's when i realized i was isolated, i couldnt turn to anyone so i moved back into his family home. The accusation of cheating never stop. My phone call logs and messages were checked regularly and if i do go out he would follow me. The final straw was when he drove me to work he once again accused me of cheating and he's going to teach me a lesson, i ended up getting dragged on a hwy with the kids in back watched in horror. I mananged to call 911 and they arrested him. My mom came to take the kids and told me i was a bad mom and she's keeping them, my mil yelled at me for getting her son arrested and that i should stop calling the cops. I was forced to move out with no money, with the threat of losing my kids, with the ex stalkin and waiting for me to make a mistake. 3 yrs later i bought a house with my current boyfriend, and he's still in the same situation but yet i'm still the one who's suffering. I still feel soo resentful of the situation i was in, i'm soo angry at him for not being punished and i'm sooooo scared of being put back into that situation even though my bf never raised a hand. I feel that i cant trust him completely because of that fear. i just feel like there's a whole in my soul, a spot that's just sooo angry at him and at my life before that i wish i could see justice done.
i'm sorry this is long..

I'm so sorry for what you, AND your kids, went thru. Although it is totally infuriating that he "got away" with that legally AND how your family treated you - you have MADE IT!
thanks, i am glad i found it..every now and then i hit rock bottom emotionally and i cant explain it to my bf and trying to run to a support group without having to explain yourself to your kids is not that easy. Even bf doesnt understand why i need to go, he's hurt that i cant turn to him for support. I will definitly like to hang out,post and relate to others.
hugs!
Hi Shinobi -
I strongly encourage you to contact your local women's shelter to see what programs you might qualify for in the way of financial, housing and legal assistance.
CL-Blueliner4