"I'll Never Find Someone Else"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
"I'll Never Find Someone Else"
7
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:55am

Tap, Tap, this thing on.(getting on soapbox)

Okay, I have heard several women on here lately say that they are staying with their current situations as they don't thing anyone else will want them. They are in their gasp 30's and or have kids. Well ladies guess what most men at our age have previous relationships under their belt too. Kids from previous marriages and or relationships. Trust issues and other baggage from other women in their lives. If at 30 something you don't have anything you have been thru think about it you really haven't lived.

And men well men are men. Think about it like this after being married and or living with someone I have skills other 20 somethings don't like how to make dinner from something other than a box. How to clean up a house in 30 minutes when someone is coming over. How to go to a grocery store and get food for the week within a budget. I can clean and get pretty much any stain out of a pair of jeans. I know that men when they are sick and or stressed get grouchy and act like children(even normal healthy men). I feel better about myself now at 33 than I did at 23 and I weigh more. I like my curves and if my boobs never do go down after having my son then I'm okay with that too. I got stretch marks, but they are proof that I am tough enough to have a child alone natural with no pain meds and no tears or stitches. I also know how to have a romantic dinner at home on a rainy night and enjoy someone's company without having to go out all the time. I don't need to constantly have a man prove his love for me. I actually want someone who has a life and priorities. Now I expect to be one of them, but not the only one. And sometimes I just want to watch what I want when I want and not fight over the remote.

Being single is sometimes lonely, but most of the time not that bad. I can decorate my house my way. If I don't need it I pitch it. No more are you gonna ever need and or use this. I have control of my money and can pay the bills and not have to fight with someone over whether they can have more toy/harley/rc car/car parts/truck parts/junk they don't need money.

And as for men. Most of my guy friends have had their share of women who weren't in the right frame of mind. Meaning they demanded and treated them like carp on a regular basis. Most of my guy friends like a woman who has her head screwed on straight, knows what she wants in life and knows how to respect someone else.

You never know where life will lead you and who you'll meet along the way. And besides with all my life skills I just don't dole them out to anyone anymore. For me to cook for you is a treat and one to be appreciated. I don't just do wifely things for any old body. I have things I look for in a person and don't settle with status quo or worse. If he makes me irritated you bet he is going to hear about it now. I take no carp from other people's bad behavior any longer.

So chin up, I truly believe we are all meant to have someone in our lives, but if we are just looking to have someone for the sake of having someone then we will never get what we truly deserve. And if we all decided as women that none of us will ever stand for bad behavior maybe some of them who are just immature will grow up and know you either act like a decent grown up man or you will be alone.

Stepping down off soapbox now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:10am

Yes! Yes! Amen, sister!

You covered most of it, but I'll just add my own two cents. The younger I was, the more I needed a guy. Why? It saved me from having to think for myself or do too much for myself! It's not that I was lazy, it's just that I had zero confidence, and I was scared. However, relying on men or being controlled by them didn't help me one bit. I wasn't able to grow as a human being, to discover my potential, and I began to greatly resent the power men had over my life.

Challenge and hard times are what make us grow, learn, discover who we can truly be, discover what we are capable of! Common sense isn't just something we're born with, it's something we get from experience. If you've got a controlling man calling all the shots, when is your brain getting its exercise?

I'm in my 40's now, and I've found that there is no Prince Charming. There are some reasonably good men out there, but even they have some major faults. We ALL do! So even if you get one of the good guys, it's not like life is going to be problem free.

I'm fine with who I am now, and I don't mind my own company. I have a bunch of good friends, people who keep me from ever feeling lonely, and there are lots of things to keep me busy.

Anyway, love often comes when we aren't looking for it. A confident, well-adjusted woman is very attractive to a good, stable, healthy man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 6:17pm
I will second that!

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5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:27pm
That was really insightful, without being harsh, thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 9:56pm

I'm living single, and my house has become my safe and cozy convent. I like it that way. I've been living here with just me and the kids for about three years and it's been better without a man in my life.

I agree with you too about being in your 30's. I'm 31 and I feel better about myself now than I did 10 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 6:09am

Chiming in.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 2:02am

Pardon my nosing in here, this one I had to respond to. I am the cl of another board and long-time lurker on this board. My ex was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I didn't find iVillage until after I'd left him and it's actually thanks to this board that I realized it was abuse (your homepage is very valuable and quite eye opening).

I stayed with my ex for so long for a number of reasons, one of the biggies was fear of being alone. I was sooo sure that leaving him would mean I'd spend the rest of my life alone, staring at the walls. After all, who would be interested in the 36-year old mother of two little kids? (Too, I'd been listening to how stupid I was, pathetic I was, etc. for so long, I'd begun to believe that's how every perceived me). Well let me tell you, plenty of guys were interested in a 36-year old mother of two. I was stunned to find that my phone rang off the hook, men were coming up and introducing themselves to me, I had no shortage of dates, and a blast.

Part of it is it feels so incredibly good to be out from under the pressure, the fear, that knot in your stomach, walking on eggshells, the weight on your shoulders, that everything about life is good, even the bad times. Your attitude is positive and it shows. You smile, you're optimistic and happy. Like Jbpintolady said, you're comfortable with your body, your face and yourself and you're not about to take any crap (you've been through plenty, thank you). All those are attractive and positive qualities.

I also second the motion of being able to decorate the house as you like. I totally redid my bedroom the day my husband moved out. I didn't have anything new to add, or money to buy new things with, but taking down a few things, swapping out a few pictures and rearranging made the room look completely different -- and all mine.

I'd always imagined that home without my husband would be the same amount of work (I did it all) with less stress, and I was right. Sure, money was tight (very, very tight sometimes) but never, not once did I regret my decision or consider going back, no matter how hard life was, it was a breeze compared to life with him. No kidding. It wasn't harder, none of it, it was easier, and we were happier, me and the kids.

Anyway, that's my experience. My only regret has been that I didn't leave years earlier.









"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:54am

My I chime in here for a moment?

I agree with everything u said, however. There is one thing that I disagree with. I am 20, and share a slightly different opinion. Granted there are things that 30 somethings have on me, however, i do know some 30 year olds that are..... unusual. I can make a gourmet dinner when I need to, I understand Hamburger Helper as well. I have no children, having been beaten and lost my daughter, but I hold my head high as I say that I have been places no woman should go.

I believe that solely, every woman should simply be proud of herself and realize that any man would be lucky to have her, stretch marks or no, frying pan operable or otherwise.