I'm an adulteress??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I'm an adulteress??
3
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 11:32am

I feel like I’m going to go out of my mind!!! I was supposed to move into my new place on July 1, but a couple days before, they advised me that they were not done with the electrical. They told me I could move in on the 15th!!! So I started strategizing what to do AGAIN….and they called me yesterday and said DEFINITELY by the 18th!!!

I have been crying nonstop over this! I’m really starting to get scared of my husband.

He has been out of control for the last week. He found an email that I had responded to regarding a place for rent. He found it in the history and went berserk. I have a password on my computer, so I don’t even know how he got into my computer!! I told him “what do you expect me to do? Stay here and be terrorized for the rest of my life??” He stormed around for the rest of the day, but left me alone. The next day I was in the bathroom and he came storming upstairs and slammed the door open up against my stomach. He found another email where I had emailed a real estate agent multiple times. He started calling me a sl*t, adulteress, who*e, etc, because “writing to another man is adultery.” I flipped out!! He can look at pornography (he was caught by me – he tried to hide it) and he can comment on me writing to another guy?? He thinks it is different – I’m writing to a REAL person!! God help me, I hate that man! There was absolutely no sexual content in my email, but it doesn’t matter to him, as it is an inappropriate relationship. He went completely nuts over these emails and the fact that I had an email account without his knowledge!! The account is now closed.

He started smashing things and throwing things around. He feels completely justified in his behaviour because if I had not “cheated” on him, he wouldn’t lose control. I know that this is something that abusive men say to justify their despicable behaviour and actions, but it still shakes me to the core. I feel that he is secretly gleeful about all of this.
I can’t get out of there fast enough, but even planning my getaway is stressful, because I have to plan it so intricately!!

I did call the police over the Sunday incident and I can make a report and have him charged after I’m gone. I just need to survive 13 days. Why does it feel like forever?? Every day I’m at risk in this house. Every day he terrorizes me over something!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 12:24pm

Hugs, toady. Right now you have to be very careful of him, because he knows he's losing control of you and he could become even more volatile. If he's been snooping on your computer, you may want to change any passwords you have for email, message boards, and most importantly banking if you have any of your own accounts. If you don't have an emergency bag packed (copies of important documents, some clothes, car keys, cash, etc., stored somewhere other than in the house), you might want to get this ready. If he suspects or somehow finds out that you really are leaving, he may attempt to cut you off from the money, try to keep you from leaving the house, or you may have to leave with nothing but what's on your back.

And I know you already know it, but I thought a little reaffirmation might help - writing to the real estate agent does not make you an adultress or any of the other ridiculous things he called you.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 12:34pm

I agree w/Sang so I am going to prevent from sounding like a broken record.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 2:11pm

I can sorta relate to your "story." I, myself, had to plan my getaway from my abusive X and I think I took the "easy way out" (if that's even possible). I went into the psych hospital even though I really just needed somewhere to go so that I could regain a relationship with my parents (which he'd previously destroyed) and move in there. I think back to how else I could have escaped and I'm sure glad that I didn't go your route because I wouldn't have been strong enough. You're obviously a very strong woman who will be able to overcome this. I will keep you in my prayers.

~Brenda
Overcoming domestic violence since October 2004
http://domestic-violence.blogspot.com