I'm divorced! :o)
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| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 7:39am |
I think I got all the tears out when he came to my office to sign the final divorce paperwork on March 22, and now all I have is pity for him and relief for me. I pity him because I know he'll never see what he really is -- an abuser. He'll never "get it," and if he never "gets it," he'll never be able to change for the better (for *himself*, NOT for me or anyone else!) and if he doesn't change, he'll never have a successful relationship. Whoever he's with next will go through the same hell I went through until she can't take it anymore and winds up leaving him, just like I did. I just feel sorry for him, because I know he can be a better person than that. I've seen it, but I just didn't see it often enough. What I most often saw was the bad stuff. And I feel relief for myself because I know that I got out *just in time*, before he did anything *really* scary. He's a loose cannon, and I never knew what to expect with him. I was hoping that, with counseling, the abuse would at least be a little less frequent and maybe less severe too, but it was just continuing to escalate, in spite of his therapy. God only knows what would have happened to me if I had stayed.
My therapist once told me that the main thing to remember when deciding to go through with the divorce is that you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say, "I did everything I could to make this marriage work." I feel that I can do that. I tried to get him to go to marriage counseling with me (before and shortly after we separated) and although he did go, it was only because I threatened to leave if he didn't go, and I really don't think he got much out of the counseling sessions (as evidenced by the fact that he tried to kill me on the way home from one of them). Then, I encouraged him to go to counseling on his own, while I did the same, and we stayed separated for awhile to try to work on things. Well, he continued to go to counseling but, again, he "doesn't have a problem." When I left, for him it became about how closely he could watch me and see what I do now that he can't monitor my every move. It was supposed to be about what he could do to repair the damage he had done to our marriage, and he just didn't get it, so I made the decision to file back in December.
These boards have saved my life on more than one occasion. I can't tell you how hard it was to be separated from him at first, and how many times I *almost* went back. If it hadn't been for the wonderful people here, I *know* I would have gone back. I credit all of you with giving me the strength to save myself, while I still could. Thank you so much for everything you've all done for me. I will never forget it. I just hope that I can do the same for someone else, now that I'm through all of this. I'm going to pick up my dog at 6:30 tonight, and then it will all be over, for good. I can have peace now.
Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I love you all.
~Emm

YaY!!!! It's over! ;)
I knew you could do it Emm, it was just a matter of time.
WHOOOO!
CL-Blueliner4
Jen
Hi Emm,
I have been checking this site periodically, but I have been so busy that I haven't had time to post. I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so happy for you... Not only about your divorce but also about your new house.
My divorce should be final in the next two months, I have had to fight to get him to agree to anything and it is just plain hard for me to deal with being so tied up at work. I have been traveling an unbelievable amount and then dealing with a divorce you can image my head is sometimes in the clouds.
Anyway, Good luck girlfriend!!! If you ever want to meet up I am traveling all over, e-mail me, I will have a beer with you if I am in town!!!
Christina_bowles@yahoo.com
HUGS~ Christina
Love & Hugs,
Emm
Edited 4/2/2004 8:15 am ET ET by irishgrrrl78
Hugs and maybe have a special dinner or a bubblebath or something for yourself tonight.
Take care of yourself lady.
Ree