I'm going out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
I'm going out!
15
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:12pm

My friend asked me about going out earlier, and I was worried about running into people that know me as a wife, I was worried about running into him. It dawned on me that since he has the kids, he'll be w/ them. I'm doing it, I'm going out, I'm putting make up on and doing my hair and going out w/ my best friend from high school! Even oldest DD said, "Mom, just go out" I'm taking a break and doing something for me. The last time her and I went out was her b-day over summer, and H's were there. Alone, it's been 3-4 years!

Had a big guilt trip today for finding one of the divorced dads at b-ball attractive. Yes, I know I'm in no way ready to meet men, but it felt both good and bad to be noticing other men. Good cause it's a part of moving past STBX, but bad cause I'm still married and I feel damaged. Part of the physical attraction I think came from him going over to DD during half-time and helping her w/ her shot. He coaches too. He's introduced himself before and complimented DD's skills and said he tries to get her to shoot w/ more confidence. After he went on the court w/ her, it worked! I know I'm not ready, but I can at least look forward to the day I am! Do I sound awful?

The plan for tonight is if I do run into mutual friends, I boogy!

Carrie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:19pm
Good for you!!!! Have fun! And I think it's a healthy sign to find people attractive-just don't act on it :)....you're coming to life!!!
have fun, you deserve it!
Beth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:20pm

You have a great time, I'm excited for you! Let us know what a great time you had!

Lisa :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:28pm

Thanks Beth and Lisa! I'm a little worried about what if's. I have to start living my life again and my best friend and I always have a great time when we go out. She's always looked out for me a little too, since she was around for plenty of me getting my butt kicked 10 years ago.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 8:18pm

Yeah, you're awful.

Awfully normal!!!!
As I once said to my sister? You're as normal as dirt.

Have fun, Notice when you find yourself looking over your shoulder or watching your clock and just laugh. Freedom can be intoxicating!

And. Do NOT be shy about telling people the truth. Not too much information, but the truth, OK? The first time is the hardest, the next time it's old hat.

Have FUN FUN FUN!

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 9:02pm

You deserve to have a good time. Go out and enjoy yourself. Do not worry about bumping into someone you know - most normal people do get together with friends and go out on occasion. i don't think anyone would raise an eyebrow.

H wanted to spend some time with the kids last night so I went out to a movie with a friend. It felt good - I was having a bad day and was very emotional. Going out and getting my mind off of things felt really good. I think that is going to be one of the biggest transitions for me. feeling free and able to make decisions about my own time. I am very much looking forward to it.

Let us know how your night out goes!

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:38am

Thanks guys! Had fun, except when stupid guys tried to dance w/ me and my friend. Yuck! The DJ played whatever we asked him to. We were talking and it turns out it's been more like 5-6 years since we went out together. 6 years almost to the day I think. It was after we had DS's. C, you're great! You just always put things in words that make me realize things are my rights, not privelages.

Question? If I tell people, he'll freaking flip! I'll have to worry about the reprocussions even more! He's already seeking custody, that's why I was afraid of going out! I know, he's not even here and we're not together, yet he maintains some control w/ the fear he's put into me. But isn't it just safer to lay low for awhile?

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:03am

I hope you enjoyed having some you time! having some freedome feels strange after all this time doesn't it? It's almost scary.

I forgot to mention something about last night. Before we went to where the DJ was, we made a quick stop to a different place. Talking to a local hair dresser, she's telling me I look familiar, I didn't mention to her that it was cause her and her H (partner swappers) tried to hook up w/ me and an ex! It was killing me, I could've died laughing! I don't even know if I want to go out anymore, the world is weird!

Why was yesterday an emotional day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 7:18pm

I am so glad that you had fun. It almost makes you feel human again doesn't it?

My day on Friday was emotional because I felt sorry for H. I knew that he was missing the kids (he moved into a friend's place and he still sees them lots but he is missing the morning and/or evening cuddle time with them). He has been making me feel like he still loves me and I need to give him another chance. He has not apologized for his bad behaviour - while he does say he isn't proud of the times he has lost it - he says that is just how crazy he has felt. That he has been trying to get through to me how much he needs SEX. etc. Basically he still takes no responsibility for his bad behaviour - saying I was pushing his buttons etc etc. I have been emotional too because I am afraid of what is yet to come. He is threatening to file for 50% custody which - as much as I don't think it is practical or smart - it still scares me. My girls are used to being with me all of the time. Period.
I was really hoping for an amicable split but he is just one angry, bitter man. I am just afraid right now of what he might do considering he is likely feeling like he is losing control of the situation. Even though he hasn't directly touched me, in anger he has thrown things on a number of occasions, and there was a mysterious hole in the wall when he didn't want me to go out (same night that he threw a drink at me), another time he shredded his clothes right off of his body with his bare hands, threw a solid hard wood coffee table etc.)
Anyway - I still have those concerns but today is another day (and he was a jerk again! big surprise....) the stress is really taking a toll on my body....

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:26pm

I'm so happy to hear you had a good time!! Of course, there is always those men that want to dance and won't leave you alone! I bet you had a blast. If you aren't comfortable telling people the truth, then just say you are splitting up with H. They don't need to know all the details right away.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:04am

Lots and lots of hugs for you! About last night and going out, for awhile I did feel human again, but quickly went back to being afraid of his opinion. My friend is frustrated w/ me, but fortunately because her husband doesn't intimidate her. She complains that if I don't like it she'll go alone. I'm glad she doesn't know being afraid of her H.

SAHM, I know what you mean. STBX has filed for custody! I've only been here their whole lives, but now I guess I don't make the cut! Mine are used to being w/ me too. I was willing to be reasonable too. That doesn't exist in their heads! Whatever they can do to threaten/hurt us, they'll do!

Hang in there alright? I've had drinks thrown at me, seen the holes put in the walls. We'll get there soon!

carrie

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