I'm sick and scared.
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| Fri, 08-19-2005 - 1:16pm |
Hi. I used to post here a long time ago, then I thought the issues were resolved. Here's my long, long story short: I have a physically handicapped son, 7 years old. He has absolutely no independent mobility, he's in a wheelchair. His disease is progressive. My DH has always been too rough with him. He tosses him around and wrestles not unlike you might with a "normal, healthy" kid, but its definitely too rough for my son. I've yelled at him about this for years - leaving my son unattended in the bathrub, driving him around in the front seat of his convertible, sending him down a waterslide, you name it. All way too dangerous for my son. Anyhows, this past weekend DH was having a crummy day. He picked my son up out of his wheelchair and threw him on the bed. My son's arm bent the wrong way and his elbow snapped. I wasn't home when this happened. When I got home, DH told me that DS was pretending to be really hurt but nothing happened - he was just "acting." When DS saw his physical therapist on Tuesday, she told me that we'd better get his arm looked at, that she thought it was at least fractured. We got x-rays done on Wednesday morning and sure enough, his elbow is broken. He's in a cast now. I threw my husband out. He's actually travelling on business right now, expected to be home on Saturday afternoon. I told him not to bother coming back here. Amazingly, even though he caused this injury, he was able to get on an airplane and leave on a business trip on Wednesday morning. When I sent him a text message that DS's arm was broken, he replied that he was "sorry to hear" that.
I'm usually a reasonable person with a pretty long fuse, but I'm afraid "mommy monster" came out. No one hurts my son - not even his own father. Did I do the right thing?????
We're scheduled to move into a big new house next week and this is sooooo not a good time for this to have happened. What am I going to do??????


You were 100% right to do this.
CL-Blueliner4
You & your son are in my thoughts & prayers.
Momesq, you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing.
Mama Harmony
Thank you so much for your responses. As most of you remember (and I'm amazed at how much of my story you girls remembered from my last "visit" on this board!)I am an attorney and have a very good friend whose a kick-ass matrimonial attorney. I'm going to contact her on Monday.
As far as communication with DH goes, he's sent me several wishy-washy text messages from his business trip, but hasn't even called to speak with his son. My therpist tells me that's because he's absolutely mortified by himself. To me, I guess at this point it doesn't matter. How he feels, what he intended, how much he might love his son - none of it matters. All that matters is that he hurt my baby. And my baby has more than enough to deal with in his life without his father further endangering his physical well-being.
I sent DH a text message this morning telling him that just so we're clear, he can visit with DS while I'm there, but he cannot move back in with us until he gets some help. I think what I really meant to say was that he cannot be alone with DS until he gets help and I'm convinced it's safe, but its difficult to convey your thoughts in text messages. He asked me if we could talk and said he understood that I was very upset. I replied that I'll talk and be as open-minded as possible, but that I've thought this over very carefully. And I have. I reached out to all of the women in my support network, saw my therapist, cried to my mother, prayed, and I still feel confident that I did the right thing.
And all you ladies did was confirm what I already feel.
Unfortunately, the house was custom-designed to be handicapped accessible for DS. Not too worried, though, about that because DH makes lots of money and I think he'll be able to suck up that mortgage payment. I've been planning to return to full-time work as an attorney and now is as good a time as any. And some other encouraging news that I'm doing the right thing - my nanny agreed to come back to work for us in September so that I'll be able to practice law full time.
I know I'm doing the right thing, but I'm sick to my stomach and haven't eaten in days. I'm light-headed, smoking way too much, haven't worked out, haven't meditated, just can't seem to take care of myself. But I'm taking care of my DS and I guess right now that's all that matters. Thanks for your love and concern about my situation. It helps me feel confident in my decision, and I don't think I could ever hear enough times that I'm doing the right thing.
Love, heart-broken Mo.
You know that old saying "Put YOUR oxygen mask on 1st, THEN you can help your child" ... you sound, at the end of your last post, as if you are at the breaking point of stress. Please try to take care of you. BUT ... as you obviously have realized, your son needs you as his advocate. A handicapped child who's father abuses him, & he cannot defend himself? This is the saddest, sickest thing i have ever heard. & the fact that "he's absolutely mortified by himself" ? Maybe. MAYBE thats why he is acting that way. & MAYBE its b/c he really DOESNT care, & he is cold-hearted & maybe its b/c he realizes he finally went too far. Please use your resources. Be lucky you HAVE them, as many women in your situation dont have them - & do what needs to be done to protect your baby.
Good luck!