Independence Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Independence Day
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 10:03pm
Happy Independence Day to all! I took Zen's advice and celebrated mine. Went to church, saw my friend (who "makesmehappy"), came home in an exceptional good mood, refused to call H but needed to find out what my daughter was doing so I called her friend. I found out so I didn't need to call H. I knew he'd just put me in a bad mood. Went to see Mum and told Mum how H had been acting, so I got that out in the open to her. Had a wonderful day until....my daughter called and told me of an accident her friend's mom had and her trip plans may be cancelled. For some stupid, stupid reason I called H to let him know what was going on. Why? Because I felt the need for him to know where his daughter was and what was going on. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. He was short. See, I hurt HIS feelings yesterday by telling him about the concert tickets, that I felt he would throw it in my face and to everyone else what a nice guy he is. I hurt HIS feelings. Damn! How many times has he hurt mine? Then he tells me he took all of my winter clothes that I had left behind and there piled up for me to come get since I told him the other night that I have a year's lease here and would be staying. That there was no need for him to have my winter clothes. This is true. Fine! I'm okay with that. I have no intentions of going back, BUT, why does he have to be nasty? I hate it when people, any people, are mad at me!?!? I always feel like it's my fault. This ISN'T my fault!! So I almost started crying again when I got off the phone, but I didn't want my daughter to see me upset because I don't want to make her feel like she's in the middle. And when I get upset, she sees me and she knows her dad has done it and it makes her feel like she's in the middle. That's what she told the psych. Anyway, I sucked it up, said he will not do this to me. I was in a good mood; I knew he'd put me in a bad mood. So I just started thinking about how the day was and how happy I was and my friend who makes me happy. I just hate it when H is mad. And I already know why I don't want him to be mad and that's because my D needs a bed at my place and I can't afford it and I want him to buy it. I shouldn't have to beg him or even ask. But I feel that way because I left. That's what he always tells me..."you left".

As for the tickets, he sold them. Good! I was actually thinking of using them. Better for me that he did.

But I still have this pit in my stomach cause he's mad. And when he's mad, he can make life miserable for me. That's why I always give into him when he wants to make up. I need to cut any ties with him except when it concerns our D. Oh, that's the other thing he said. That Kay was going on vacation this week and now might not be able to go but he had made plans for the week so now I can have her since I wanted more time with her. I guess he thought I'd say no to that or give him a hard time. I didn't. I love my D and want to spend more time with her. He's a piece of work!

Happy Independence Day!! I'm going to go watch the neighbors fireworks and rejoice!

Happy