Internet porn . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Internet porn . . .
7
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:28pm
I know there have been a lot of discussions about whether or not spouses being on-line in chat rooms or looking at porn is considered adultery or wrong, well, here is a link to what Dr. Phil says about it:

http://www.drphil.com/advice/advice.jhtml?contentId=090302_relationships_internetporn.xml&section=Relationships/Sex&subsection=Infidelity

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:49pm

Hey stranger!


I'm not a huge fan of his, but this is a great link.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 3:30pm
Hey, Gabby,

I'm not really a stranger because I lurk quite often. I'm dealing the best I can right now. I think I've been too hardened to all he put me through, so I'm afraid my advice to anybody would be way too harsh; anyway, I thought it might be best if I just didn't post much to anybody. I've thought about posting many times about all the crap he's putting me through right now and how I feel about things, but there'll come a time when I really need to. Mostly, I'm doing pretty good - better than I ever thought I would - but there are a few 'downs' I've had. For instance, he won't agree to any division of property, so we many have to auction everything including household furnishings, the worthless POS!

Still is better than having to live with him . . .

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:49pm

Oh, now stop it, Ms. Jackie.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 8:05pm
My ex-girlfriend ran off and married the first guy who wasn't dead or on fire, and it turns out that he's a connoisseur of the internet porn. She came to me asking for computer software that could track his internet actions.

Porn is a turn-off. To believe it's normal is to believe that men should think only of women as sexual devices.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 8:58pm

Jackie, I agree with blue.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 10:47am

I'm the same way Jackie if its any concilation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:47am
Hi Jackie, I'm in about the same position you are. I lurk here several times a week but rarely post. I mostly post responses on other relationship boards to people who are in abusive relationships and should be here. I give them some info and encourage them to come over here for all you wonderful victims and survivors to help 'save' them. Sometimes I am harsh and get 'beat up' on the other boards too but, if I can help rescue one person, I'll take the crap from the ignorant.(meaning uneducated about abuse)

Re: Doctor Phil. I am not much of a fan of his either but, I think he's right on with what he says about the porn thing. From a Biblical stand point, the obvious answer is that it is wrong. That's where I choose to look for my standards for 'a person of good character'. In fact, we are told in the Bible that if we even entertain thoughts of(not just fleeting urges or temptations but, dwell on, fantisize about) sexual activities with someone other than our spouse, it is just as bad as being guilty of actual physical adultery!

As far as what you are going through, my stbx is still attempting to be abusive, manipulative and controlling through out the entire divorce and visitation access process. They do not change one bit because we leave them but, at least we don't have to put up with it 24/7 anymore. It took me a long time, almost two years after we separated, to stop expecting him to act like a rational human with any of this. I'd get all upset and flustered. I'd need to rant and vent. Oh, the anger and frustration and tears over the injustice and my bf would ask, "Susan, It's him, what did you expect?"

I guess the phase we call detachment is what took me so long to get going on. I had an RO and communication via email only but, his stunts would still freak me out, especially when he'd use the boys to get to me. I think my boys figured it out before I did. They'd say, "Mom, just ignore him" It took a long while but, now when he trys to pull something, I expect it and don't react to it. I just laugh at the idiot. When I get one of his nasty emails, I don't freak and often don't even respond because, I know it's all lies. (I really want to correct them for spelling, puncuation and grammer and send them back to him, the idiot) Now, I just look at this all as evidence for my case.

Of course all this is very, very frustrating but, venting about it really does not change a thing, does it? It's just a matter of time until I manage to extricate him from every area of my life. Over the last 2&1/2 years, that I've been attempting to divorce the idiot, I've accumulated two banker's boxes full of evidence of the manipulation and control tactics he's tried to use. When we finally get our day in court (Jan 31, 2005 unless he manages to adjourn it, yet again) he won't know what hit him. We have so much on him and he knows about half of it but, won't back down. What a fool!

Your doin' fine and I do remember many of your post being extremely helpful. It's really hare to be out but, not be completely 'out of it'. Once the "ENOUGH" decision has been made it can't happen fast enough for most of us but, they'll fight to the bitter end, won't they?

Keep looking up^, Susan.