is it abuse?
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| Sat, 07-15-2006 - 5:38am |
well me and my boyfriend have been together for over three years now and we are very young (19 and 20).I dont know if im just being sensitive or if this really is abuse?
A few months ago my friend had invited me to a naughty party and there was going to be a stripper there. After days of begging him to let me go he agreed and he want to a party while i was there. Instead of staying for the stripper i thought it would make him happy if i hung out with some friends instead. Well when i told him i left the party, he freaked out and called me a bitch and hung up the phone. When we spoke about it, he felt like he had a right to call me that, though he knew i only did it to make him happy.
A few weeks ago we went camping with some friends. He wanted me to go with him to pick up some friends. I told him that i didnt want to go and he threw a fit. This was the first time i stuck up for myself. He got so angry that he threw my hat in the fire, slammed my phone on the ground and broke it in half, and threatened to break up with me. By the time we finished the argument, our friend had left without us. He felt bad and offered to buy me a new phone, but i still cant get over the way he acted that night.
A few days ago we went to the movies with some friends. He has been really flirty with one of my friends and he wanted to switch seats with me (i was in between him and her) so he could "hold me" but i knew it was so he could sit next to her. He ignored me throughout the whole movie. Well i left my sunglasses in the movie theater and i couldnt go back to get them because i knew he would get mad for holding everyone up. So when it was mentioned that i forgot them, he yells out to everyone "well your stupid for losing them, sucks for you" my friend snapped at him that it wasnt like i meant to lose them then he said, "its not like i wont buy her a new pair cause i pay for her all the time" this wasnt true and the fact that he had said this in front of all my friends it made me feel embarrassed and defenseless. When i talked to him about it, he saw nothing wrong with what he said.
Yesterday i came over to his house after work. He was tierd and i started to tell him about my day. He stops me and says "i honestly dont care, you just go on and on" I was telling him something extremely important and all he had to say was he didnt care.
i dont know...this is just the recent things that have happened. He makes me feel like i am nothing sometimes :( is this just normal? maybe he was just in a bad mood or is this something more? should i be concerned?

You've been dating him for three years and he just now started acting this way? Um, that is very strange. If that is the case, he either has a brain tumor or is on drugs. Seriously though, YES, it is abuse. Will it turn to physical abuse? YES!
You deserve better (even if you don't think so). Get away from this loser as fast as you can.
You've been with him since you were 16, so it will be hard getting over him...he's become a habit for you. However, if you stay and volunteer to be a victim of his rantings and ravings, you will have a much harder time getting over the beatings that are in your future with him.
Katie
Welcome, GC.
jen
Hi Jen,
I just went thru the same thing as you are going through right now.
I used to live with my BF till the past weekend when I moved out on my own. He would say mean things to me, and then apologize a few hours later and act like everything was back to normal. he would get mad at little things and end up smashing a glass.. never hitting me but I'm sure it would have led to that. I was always scared when he would get mad... he just would turn into someone totally different. He would also get jealous easily. I went to my Best Friends wedding last summer and he couldn't make it. We eventually seen some pictures from the wedding, and there was a picture of me dancing with an old friend from High School. He had a big fit about me dancing with someone else... like come on.. can I not have fun at a wedding.. or am i supposed to say no i can't dance with you b/c I have a BF... give me a break.
I just want to warn you about these kind of people. When you are in the relationship you don't notice it. but if you take a step out and start to look into the relationship from someone elses point of view you will start to notice things that just aren't right.
As for him hurting himself again - If you do eventually break up with him can you let his family or friends know to keep an eye on him and that you are worried that he will do something stupid.
Now....Here is a quote for you "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." If your relationship with him is meant to be... it will be, and you will eventually get back together.
You are not being too sensitive, maybe you are starting to feel that something isn't right.
If you are still confused if he is abusing you, check out this website, and click on "identifying losers in relationships" As I was reading this it totally opened my eyes wide and I did realize I was in an abusive relationship and I needed to get out before he hurt me more emotionally and before I lost myself totally.
http://www.drjoecarver.com/
Good Luck. Lauren
wow are you sure ur not dating my DH? we were together since i was 18 years old :) i agree with all the other ladies...1) it will escalate to physical violence..it already has, not to ur body but to ur personal belongings, 2) he uses put downs to humiliate you and make you feel like less of a person, therefore keeping you with him, 3) he has no right, no excuse to call you names, break your things, not care about your feelings, etc etc etc. HE is the one who is an idiot, who is stupid, not you, because IMO anyone who has to use such tactics to keep someone in their life obviously has problems you may not see til you break away....I know its hard to leave(it took me over 6 months of MAJOR/ obvious abuse before i got up the strength to leave) but i knew if I did not, I would end up in the hospital or dead....And i definitely dont want you to be a statistic! from the sounds of it, he has progressed in his anger quite quickly and i have no doubt in my mind it will only get worse...just know you are never alone and there is always someone out there to help you...heck if u wanna move to canada u can live with me :)...just please get out...you'll never know how beaten down you were mentally until you are out of his grasp...and i have to say, while i laughed a little ihave to agree with one of the posts..sounds like hes on drugs or something..not that that excuses his anger or actions but it usually brings them out alot quicker...
like i said, know you are never alone, you are worth more than this, and you can be on your own!
There is a website you can check out, it will help you determine if he is abusive. www.youarenotcrazy.com