Is it Abuse?
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| Sat, 07-08-2006 - 12:26am |
Hello, I'm new here. Been married for 4 years. The first two was good, the last two has been, well not so good. My husband is not exactly an abuser. He doesn't kick, punch, slap or push me everyday. He doesn't get mad at me if I don't cook/wash/clean the house. In fact, most of the time he is sweet and understanding. The problem started two years ago, we were at a party, he was tipsy and we got into an argument. And I couldn't stop "bi*ching at him" (as he said it), and I was so shocked that he punched me in the eye. I wanted him to leave, as he was ready to go he begged for forgiveness. Saying he was tipsy and I should have left him alone. He said it would never happen again.
But it did. The second time around, we got into an argument again and he was tipsy too. I just wanted to let it go and went to bed. But he turned the tv on so loud so I snatched the remote control away. His reaction was stunning, cause he push me down to the floor and cover the blanket over my mouth I couldn't breath. He said it was because I couldn't stop screaming. I was scared and shocked, that's why I screamed.
Then he promised that he would not touch me again if I didn't touch him first (whether that to push him away if he yelled at my face or snatch anything off his hand...something like that). But it happen again last night. This time, he straggled me so hard I thought I would die. He pushed me down to the floor. ANd here I am...sitting with bruises on my neck and lump on my head, wondering what the heck was just going on? How could a sweet man turned to be a monster like that? He said it's because I wouldn't leave him alone when he asked me to, and yes he was tipsy too. He also insulted me, throwing water at me, threatening me that he would put me out when I have nowhere else to go.
Is it my fault? Here is the kicker, I have a postgraduate degree and I can consider myself to be level-headed and logical at school. But I have no job because he always has the right reason why I shouldn't work. I have no money because the bank account is under his name (after all, he is the one who works). I have no friends because he doesn't want me to go out without him. I have no family to lean on because they are sick of listening to my problems with him but I still stay. I can't seem to leave him, so scared of the future without him. I'm so used to him taking care of everything for me. And I know this is not the person I was before I met him.
How can I get help? How can I proceed to get a D? What are my rights? I know these are stupid questions, but somehow I can't seem to find a solution for my problem. Right now, I don't think I love him anymore. Just the thought of how cold he looked at me when I was fighting for breath gives me the creep. I sleep on the couch, and maybe get only 2 hours of sleep cause I'm too afraid he would come and strangle me and not let it go. Am I just being a drama queen like he said I was? Am I unreasonable to be scared that he might kill me? He said he would never do that. But last night if he didn't let go of his hands, I would have.
Please help me :(

Welcome to the board, TTH.
Hello,
One thing I have to say up front, it is not your fault!! I have been there and I have done that. I went through the same thing last summer. You can call the Domestic Hotline for more information on your rights. But one thing just becareful!! You can also call your local County Attorney office. If you call the police and you have been violent with him they could press charges on both of you. Or at least that is what I have been told, when a neighbor called them on my husband and myself. Since we were both yelling at each other they said they would haul us both to jail unless it stopped. I was so afraid at times that my body won't let me sleep. And just say from my experience it will only get worse before it will get better. And anytime you add alcohol into the mix it seems to get worse. And then it is easier for them to deny, and to blame us that it happened. Just stay safe, and if you need to call a friend or someone you trust for help. Get a plan together like your own bank account and phone numbers. Keep an extra set of keys and keep clothes in your car. Your local shelter can help you with all of the details to even getting a divorce. I hope this has helped but remember you are not alone. And you will find the strength within yourself even when you feel you have none. Just trust your heart and believe in yourself! :)