it lasted a week

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
it lasted a week
3
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:52am
Last Friday night hubby, his mother and step-father, our oldest son and I sat down and talked about why son had moved out. It went pretty well, and son moved back in.

Yesterday, hubby starts on me about my weight, and yes I do need to lose some weight and have some medical conditions that make it more difficult. I'm 5'5" and weigh about 160, so it's not like I'm morbidly obese, and being hypothyroid makes losing weight very difficult to say the least. But he says "you're carrying about 40 pounds too much" and "I want to be able to show you off". This is from a 5'5", 140 pound (used to be 115), balding man. Well, that hurt my feelings but he (of course) said it in his usual caring and condescending manner.

Today, I got yelled at for smoking in the van. OK, we're both trying to quit smoking and that doesn't help either of us. (Don't forget I have to lose weight and quit smoking now) But it went on from there "I'm the one with the outdoor plumbing, I'm the one who pays for everything here. Why can't you just do what I tell you to do, why do you always have to be so damn stubborn. Do you want me to move out? I'm this close to just packing up my stuff and leaving, because I don't want to live with a bitch who doesn't do as I tell her to do." Of course in my head I'm screaming Please move out. But I didn't say that.

going on..."Why do I have to be the bitch and the nag in this relationship, why am I the only one who can get things done the way I want them, why do you have to always do things your way, when we both know that my way is better. I know you're planning something, that you're not telling me about (if he only knew, but glad he doesn't he'd really be mad) I don't know what it is, but it all goes to not communicating with me. If you were to tell me what the plans are, I'd help you with them I'm sure I could come up with a better plan for you." (Riiiiiight)

"All I want is a nice little Better Homes and Garden home to live in with a nice little Betty Crocker wife and family, is what I want so wrong?"

So any takers out there for a man who wants a nice little "betty crocker family"?

Just venting, and I really have no one else to talk to, so this board is my sounding board.

But maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should be a good little wife, and just do everything he says, as soon as he says it. Unfortunately, that's not the woman he married 20 (almost 21) years ago.

Lori





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jljz
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 1:18pm

He wants a Betty Crocker wife and family, huh?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: jljz
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:14pm

Ask him if his name is Ward Cleaver, Ozzie Nelson or

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jljz
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 4:42pm
I am still going on with my plans. Today I sold the shares of one stock that I inherited after my mother died in December, it'll give me an extra $2500, enough for a retainer for an attorney. My cousin suggested that even though he could represent me, it would be better for me to find someone impartial, and he would talk to them on my behalf. She always said she didn't like the way he talked to me and the boys, so I'm sure both she and my father (who died the December before) would be quite happy with how I am using their monies.

I have let the Principal's of the schools I'm interested in know of my passing the state certification exams, they are all so proud of me. I am too!!!!

I spoke with my pastor today (aka my boss), he knows everything that is going on, and when I told him of my H saying that I needed to drop 40-50 pounds so I wouldn't be such a cow, he asked if I wanted him to come down and beat him up. I laughed, he said, I know that wasn't very pastoral or forgiving, but it sounds like it's necessary. I told him H wasn't worth the gas it would take him to get here.

Our 18yo just found out that he WILL be graduating next Wednesday night, and I'm going to wager money right now, that H will choose to stay home and watch the final Star Trek episode that night rather than go watch his son walk. I'll bet he says "you take the video camera, and I'll watch it when you get home", and if not that, then he'll have to work and won't make it. That's the kind of man he is.

So now in June I can start looking for positions in this county and the one north of here where I play at church, I'm sure I will find something, I have a couple other tricks up my sleeve that will work on my behalf for my job hunt. Then I will start the divorce proceedings, before I actually start making a salary from the schools, that way there will be a HUGE discrepancy between our incomes.

One thing I do know, custody will not be an issue. He has made it perfectly clear throughout the years that they are my children, and he will pay child support for them. I do know he is serious about that. He may be abusive, but he generally is responsible (except for his anger issues). The house on the other hand may be a problem, but not according to my cousin. I may have to refinance and buy him out, and wouldn't be able to do that my first year of teaching. But maybe a judge will determine that I have so many years before I have to do that, or possibly forego spousal support in exchange for that. We have lived here for 11 years now, and though there is plenty of equity in the house, it's not a truly significant amount. Not to mention that I wouldn't be able to rent a place for the price of the mortgage here, again my cousin said that would work on my behalf.

I do know that his wanting a "Betty Crocker" family is unrealistic. I actually thought it was quite funny when he said it, I knew better than to laugh. But I thought it was hilarious.

About 15 years ago, he had said the same thing, or something similar. So when he got home that night, I was vacuuming the living room, wearing this ridiculous old fashioned dress, make-up, pearls, wearing an apron and asked him if he wanted his pipe and slippers when he walked in. Boy he got mad. I called him Ward for a couple hours, till I thought he was really going to hit me.

My posts always get longer than I mean them to. Sorry.

Lori