is it or isnt it abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
is it or isnt it abuse
1
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 7:56am
hello,everyone i am new to this board i have looked at several diffrent ones an this is the only one i could think to pick

well here is my story, i am a 29 year old married woman with kids well me an my husband have been together for 11 years been married for 5 ,well he is so jelouse he tells me that he doesnt like when people come over when he is not at home,when i go some where which is only to the grocery store he wants me to call him when i leave an when i get back i sit at home with our kids all the time but he go's places i just got my driver's lisence cause he would always say we didnt have the money to get them ..an duh they r only 20.00 plus insurance ...but if he wanted something we always seemed to have the money then...the only money i get is for grocery's..he does not want me to work if i mention getting a job he gets mad an says noone pays enough ..i want to go back to school to learn how to cut hair an he will always say why do u want to do something like that ,,an then sometimes he will make comments like what to find u a new man ..if i put make up on he will say who u putting that on for ,,if i talk to some one he gives me the 2nd degree of what did they want what did they say an he gets nad if i odnt tell him....an he always thinks he is right about everything i can be right about something an he will find some how to prove me wrong..grrr..i cant have no friends if i talk to someone it is they r whores or this or that ..( it is crazy),,an that is the bad thing about this it has took me 11 years to realize that this is not right u know what i mean..i see other married woman that have that time where they can go out do things ...my sister always told me that my husband was no good but i always said no he just loves me but here in the last 6 months i guess i have just opened my eyes an have seen what she was talking about an now when when i confront my hubby about some of the things he does to me it just ends up in a fight..grr he has never hit me though..but i just cant figure out why is this still abuse what he does to me now......maybe i am just depressed or something i dont know maybe my sister was right ..so what do yall think i really need some help here cause i am to the point i dont know what to do some times i think about leaving cause it just feels like he is isolating me from everything well any help would be great i really need some advice thanks .

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 8:30am
Hi Mybundle, welcome to the board.

Your instincts are right. It IS abuse. Isolating is a huge part of abuse. Questioning you about where you are going, accusing you of wanting to attract other men, controlling the money, trying to keep you from having a driver's license... these are all emotional and psychological abuse. Please click on the link above to the homepage for this board. There is tons of information about abuse, and you will find that much of what your husband does is described there.

It is great that you are seeing it now, although I know how painful it is to realize it. Hugs to you.

Please keep posting.

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi