It's another Saturday night and I ain't

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
It's another Saturday night and I ain't
7
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 9:54pm

My Title is It's another Saturday night and I aint got nobody.....

Ok. Well, I have posted here several times in the past month. Tomorrow is my one month anniversary of leaving my abuser.

It is Saturday night and I spent the day, again, working on the house, keeping busy and I am exhausted and was sitting on the couch craving a mans human touch and was watching a sad movie and got all choked up.

During the week when I am busy busy with work it is easy. Friday nights are easy because I am still in work mode and have things to do, Saturday and Sunday are hard because there is silence.

I had to sit there and FORCE myself to remember his cruelty, his abuse, his games, his mind games.

So I came to this board again tonight. I just reread my old posts and all of your comments.
I cut and pasted them into a word doc that I can print up and read over and over again.

Your validations, encouragement and support this month stopped my tears and lonliness tonight.

For all of you that have just left or are thinking about leaving, it is not easy but at the end of the day, I can tell you from experience, no one has yelled at me or called me names or made me feel small in one month. All it is is uphill from there.

Thank you for your responses in the past, I am happy I can reread them. They are the hug I was craving tonight.

God bless and hugs back to all of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 10:51pm

Honey, I know what you mean.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 11:42pm
G-D bless you too. And may you have comfort and joy to come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:51am
Your words are very warm and encouraging. I have no problem leaving...but a HUGE problem staying gone. You are an inspiration. I hope you continue to do well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 1:41pm

It is hard to stay away, but you have to.

While I was writing that post on Saturday night, I just heard from a mutual acquaintence that my abuser, THE GREAT GUY (NOT), was out in the bars with some floozies. Oh sorry, I mean his next vicitim.

Yes I am PO'd, it has only been a month since I left him, makes me feel like I was just a pawn in his sick game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:52pm

OMG, first I want to tell you how courageous and wonderful I think you are. I can't believe u can deal with him being out withother women after one month!

This is just a suggestion, so take it with a grain of salt. But, maybe you shouldn't talk to mutual friends? I was thinking that when I leave df I always break all ties with mutual friends, and when THEY worm their way into my life, I end up hearing something like what you heard and feeling miserable and wanting to go back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 8:24am

Goddess:

I agree, cut off Mutual friends contact. For many reasons.

My abuser acts like he is such a "great Guy" to the outside world. My abuse was hidden and his manipulations to make people see his other side is sickenng and unhealthy for me.

Need to cut ALL ties.

Also, I have been reading about these creeps, and just so you know, once they "think" they have completely lost control of you, after the whole cycle of tryibg to get you back with kindness and then cruelty, and when you don't budge and decide not to go back, they move on pretty quickly. It is a sickness to control, they move on to their next victim pretty quickly.

Just so you know, now that a month has past, I notice huge changes in me. I sleep better, finally. I go to bed at 11 pm and get up like clock work at 7am. I used to stay up all night crying and sleep all day. I have my career back, my friends back, my family.
I get calls now and invited to go places with MY friends. I am even doing a girls road trip this weekend. That NEVER would have happend with him. He would have said that would devestate him and show I don't love him or know what love is.

It is nice to breathe again. Yes, I am sad sometimes, but it is for the best and will go away with time.

Thank you God for this strength. He has heard my prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:53am
Please consider adding this to your header: It's Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ... to yell at me, call me names, tell me he will ruin me, that I am incapable of loving him, to leave me sobbing all night with a stomach ache.
Gee, what a fun Saturday, eh?
You're doing wonderfully. So he is going to bars and picking up women -- well, good for him. So many great relationships have been launched that way -- with a nasty STD.
I remember the abusive guy I went out with had this immortal line to say when he finally understood I wanted to end it: "What am I supposed to do now, go to a bar?" I imagine he did, but it still didn't stop him from calling my mother to plead his case and sending me a letter saying he didn't want to control me, but we needed each other. SHUDDER.
Keep up the good work.You deserve to be happy!
--Fran