its chris, i need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
its chris, i need help
2
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 1:33pm
I just got off the phone with Van and i think she is contemplating leaving the shelter. I begged her to give it a few more days, but im not sure that i convinced her. i asked her if she had talked with the counselor and she said that she had but that she couldnt tell her most things because she was too ashamed, she doesnt want to look stupid. i asked her how she would look stupid, and she said "well i did let this sh!t happen to me"

i dont know how to help her, i know that she has opened up to me, and i listen, but i dont know how to make her understand that what has happened to her is not her fault. can anyone tell me the right thing to say to her to convince her that it is not her fault?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 1:39pm
Oh, honey, you're trying so hard to help her. Thank you so much for being such a good friend to her . . . that's *exactly* what she needs right now.

I'm glad you recognize the importance of her staying at the shelter, and the fact that *absolutely none of this is her fault*! Unfortunately, I don't think there are any "magic words" you can say to her to make her understand this. Did she say where she is planning to go if she leaves the shelter? Is she thinking of staying with you for a while or is she (God forbid!) thinking of going back to the a$$hole?

If you can get in touch with her, tell her to go online and talk to us ASAP, if she can. Tell her she can go to her local library and use their computer, if the shelter doesn't have one.

By all means, she should be telling the counselors at the shelter *everything* that has happened to her. It's their job to listen to her, and they will *never* judge her. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they have stories similar to (or even worse than) hers. A lot of the shelter volunteers become shelter volunteers because they or someone close to them have been in a domestic violence situation.

Thank you so much for helping her, and please tell her to come see us ASAP, before she leaves the shelter! :o(

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 2:07pm

Eeek.


Tell her that the counselors at the shelter are just like us here, they know, they understand, and many have been there, but she has to give them a chance, just like she gave us.

CL-Blueliner4