Ive done some research..
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| Tue, 08-29-2006 - 12:07pm |
And Dont really know what to think about the things I have found ....My Husband has recently been diagnosed with paranoid personality disorder,and Bi polar II disorder.And most of his abuse is bc of his paranoia about me seeing other men etc .
He is seeing a Psychiatrist on a regular basis and is on different medication trying to find the right one that works ..
Anyhow ,I have been reseraching his disorder ,and Im wondering if his abuse is a direct result of his disorder...could it be possible that this is something he cannot help?This is an excerpt of what I have been reading
"""Paranoid personality: Persons with this personality disorder are generally cold and distant in interpersonal relationships or are controlling and jealous if they become attached. They tend to react with suspicion to changes in situations and to find hostile and malevolent motives behind other people's trivial, innocent, or even positive acts. Often these hostile motives represent projections of their own hostilities onto others (see also Ch. 193). When they believe they have confirmed their suspicions, they sometimes react in ways that surprise or scare others. They then use the resulting anger of or rejection by others (ie, projective identification) to justify their original feelings. Paranoid persons tend to take legal action against others, especially when they feel a sense of righteous indignation. However, they cannot see their role in a conflict. In their occupations, these persons may be highly efficient and conscientious, although they usually need to work in relative isolation.
They tend to be non-trusting, suspicious, and they see the world as dangerous. They view themselves as constantly being mistreated. They are very secretive, and reluctant to confide in others. They doubt the loyalty of anybody around them, and believe they are being exploited or harmed, and these patients bear severe grudges against others. They become angry very easily and have a sense of entitlement. Paranoid personalities can become violent and dangerous, as most spree killers are paranoid personality disorders. Many terrible world leaders, such as Joseph Stalin or Saddam Hussein, were most likely paranoid personalities,as was Charles Berkowitz(son of sam)"
Most everything that he does to me seems to be a symptom of this disorder...And I feel guilty for not trying to help him with this ....And I also feel guilty for wanting to run away from him after I read this information ..Its scary though...
Could it be that he is not really trying to abuse me ? could it be that he cant help it bc of his disorder? He does not use it as an excuse ,and never even wants to acknowledge that he has it (other than going to his Dr.)Has anyone ever dealt with this before?

I believe that my boyfriend also has paranoid personality disorder. If he even sees me talk to a man, his imagination goes wild. Recently we went skydiving. It was a tandem jump ~ I was strapped to a professional so that I could do the freefall part and have someone who knows what he's doing pull the shute. There was also a videographer who jumped at the same time and taped me. I was allowed to choose two songs for him to put on the DVD.
Well, my boyfriend was doing the same thing, and he paid for us both. To try and make a long story short, I had a great jump but threw up all over myself. Afterwards my boyfriend went with me to the bathroom to clean up. We didn't know that the videographers were going to immediately make the DVD's, and we hadn't yet given them our music.
When we finally finished and went to the video room, it was too late. The videographers didn't even know we had brought our own music, so they picked out the songs. My boyfriend turned very quickly into Mr. Hyde. He started cursing and yelling at his videographer. In the meantime, my videographer told me that he'd redo my DVD. Well, that made my boyfriend even madder and he started saying that it was all planned ~ that the videographers AND my tandem partner were so hot for me that they had all plotted to screw him over and get rid of him.
He stormed out to his car yelling and screaming. Everybody in the place was talking about him and asking me what his problem was. He sat in his car, getting madder by the minute, for about 20 minutes or so while I got both of our DVD's redone.
When I finally went to the car I was sure he'd be grateful that I'd gotten his DVD fixed, but NO! He told me that I had gotten to the car just in time. He was headed in there with a crowbar to break up all the video equipment! Then he accused me of letting my tandem guy "grope me," giving my phone number to the videographer, and some stranger who happened to be walking across the parking lot at the same time that I was, and etc.
Three hours later, back at my house, we watched the DVD's and he got furious again, saying that they had deliberatly F_ _ked his up! When I finally got fed up with his rantings and threw him out of my house, he took my DVD. A small price to pay for getting his abusive butt out of my life!
It goes on and on. That is just ONE example.
But he doesn't just have PPD. I believe that he is morally bankrupt as well. So if your man is abusing you I think it is intentional. He can be paranoid, but he doesn't have to act on his suspicions. He is choosing to hurt you.
I have borderline personality disorder. It causes me to do some irresponsible things at times, but I always have the choice to NOT do those things. In other words, I don't think his personality disorder excuses his behavior, even though it might be the cause of it.
Cheryl
Amber, I noticed something in that description you posted.
Oh dear...sweetlilamber...
Labels are given to describe problems, not to excuse people's behaviors. I am an alcoholic. If I got drunk and beat my children, I would still be a child abuser. The psychiatric disorders that are based on brain injury or chemistry are separate issues, although chemical treatment exists to help.
Do not allow your concern, love or care to blind you to the injuries or potential injuries you suffer.
Oh, no. He can help it. I have bipolar disorder myself, and while I do have a bit of a short fuse at times, I don't go around beating on my husband. Moreover, if I did start and it was truly something I couldn't control, I'd check myself into the hospital and stay there until it was put a stop to. I wouldn't just keep doing it!
This is a bit of a hot-button topic, because I see a LOT of abusers claim they do what they do because they abuse, and it makes me mad because it makes life harder for the rest of us with a disorder. But, remember one other thing. Let's assume for a minute that his psych problems were indeed causing everything, though I don't believe that. That does NOT obligate you to put up with it. There is not a good reason for someone to abuse, period.