ivillage helped me leave an abuser
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| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 11:08pm |
I left. By doing so I completely turned my life around. I got out of debt, through college a good job and a whole football field of self confidence.
I am now engaged to be married a second time and I marvel at what treatment that I called "love" before. With someone that abuses you, calls you unkind words, disrespects you there is no love. Period. My current fiance has never called me a name. He's never raised his voice at me. He's never lied to me. He never laid an unkind hand on me. THIS IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE!! If it's not like this--get out now!
If you think that you aren't worth it or good enough, think again. My ex husband had this magical ability to bring out the worst in me. I screamed, I raged, I hit...and now I'm appalled that I ever behaved that way. I couldn't dream of behaving that way today--but then there is no reason to. Someone that truely loves you will not bring out the worst in you-- they bring out the best.
If he hits, leave; if he calls you names, leave; if he disrespects you, leave! I cannot express this opinion enough.
My life is a trillion times better than it was four years ago. I am a smart, self-confident, happy, completely head-over-heels-in-love woman. I have the relationship that my girlfriends admire. This person that I am today would not have been possible with my ex.
If you are waiting for him to change, stop! If you are compromising, remember that life is short. You only have a short time on this earth--is this how you want to spend it?
I look back now and wonder why I wasted so much of my life on that creep! I can't imagine it I would be so miserable. There are too many nice, decent, respectful guys out there to waste your time on a bad one that brings you down.
TRUST ME ON THIS LADIES. You will not sorry!

Helene
Thank you SO much for coming back to the board to share your message. You have expressed it beautifully. Hearing this wonderful outcome for you has a HUGE impact on everyone that reads it.
Hugs and congratulations. I am grinning at your 'football field full of confidence.' I love that! I can hear the fans screaming out your name. : )
Christine
i have a question. when you left did you still feel like you were in love with him? was it incredibly hard to do, what made you finally leave (was it an incident or was it just feelings that had built up)? I have never been physically abused and doubt that I will. My bf (of 3 years, live together) has a terrible temper but i do think it is calming down, i just can't tell if i've checked out mentally or not. i'm afraid to leave what we do have.....and lately, he can't stop telling me how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, etc. Lots of things have happened in the past but when things are good it is so hard to say adios. And i don't even know deep down WHAT i want, but I think i want what you have now....but who knows if that will happen. and i keep thinking of all my bfs wonderful qualities that i wonder if i will find with anyone else. he is an extremely passionate person, whether it be for the good or the bad. Just wondering what your thoughts were. thanks.......