Jenna (jmcgin)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Jenna (jmcgin)
2
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:36pm
Jenna,

Thanks so much for your post below to dharma. I have recently filed for divorce against my H of 27 years. It has really been hard but not quite as hard I thought - guess before I was just never 100% ready. Sometimes I feel so sad, depressed and I cry. However, I know I don't really cry because of him. I cry because of what should have been and what could have been, but he just wasn't the kind of man to ever give what a woman, marriage a family needs. I have had my spirit crushed so much I just was 'frozen'. I just wish that I could have found the strength years ago to have done something then.

Your words were inspiring. You're right; it doesn't get better.

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:56pm
Jackie that is exactly what I have felt too. I'm not sad, depressed and torn because he's gone..I'm sad because I had so many expectations..of what it should have been like...what it could have been..but he was not the right man to be able to give that...nor will he ever be able to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:38pm
Hi Jackie,

You are so very welcome. I really didn't grieve for the relationship in the end. I had spent so much time before we split going to therapy with him. I was tired and I just wanted it over. He told the counselor that when he walked in the door, I should just be able to look at him and know what kind of mood he was in.. and cater everything I did and said according to his mood. LOL I never could read those right. Living with him was so much more work than living without him. I like not having the pit in my stomach when I pull into the driveway, worrying about what he could possibly be mad at now. There was no way i could live up to those expectations, nor should he even ask me to. In the end I realized that this was HIS problem and all I was doing was reacting. I feel sorry for him, I really do. But only he can change his behaviors, I can only change the way I react to him. Once I quit reacting, he found someone else. He has been through many girlfriends in the years we have been divorced. I feel sorry for them. Altho I do think they all wise up in a few months and dump him. How come I wasn't that smart? I know why now.. I am a good person with a good heart, and I tried to help. But only we have the power to change ourselves. You were with your husband for 27 years, thats alot of years of abuse. I dont think you should be kicking yourself at all that it took this long.. Be happy that you did it. Some people are stuck and they never get out. You did. Now you get the rest of your life to experience happiness. Now is the time to do the things you enjoy and never could do before. Live it up.. you deserve it!

Hugs,

Jenna