Just got some disconcerting info (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Just got some disconcerting info (m)
10
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 10:47am

& it SHOULDNT bother me, b/c i have been ASSURED my atty is WAY better ... & tougher, but i just made a call & now i am nervous!

I called the Womens Resource Center b/c there was some important mail here for STBX. I put that all in a bag, along with some pictures dd has been drawing for her Dad, & some print outs of how to deal with divorce & chidren. Slap me now. The artwork from dd just b/c she asks to draw him things & wants Uncle Eddie to give them to him. & the divorce/kids stuff print outs, b/c i know he wouldnt even think to get access to that ... & if he is going to have any visitation at any point, i want him to have some clue how to handle the questions.

So ... my BIL just called & said "He is being a PIA. He wont pick up the stuff, he says his atty said it can be considered 3rd party contact & it should be dropped off at his own attys office". So i got nervous & called the Womens Resource Center. They told me that i am NOT breaking the order by sending any of that stuff, technically, HE cant contact ME ... but ... she said his atty is known to be VERY VERY hard on women & these type of situations. She said his atty twists things around, & will absolutely try to make it look like i am throwing stuff in his face, that how bad of a father could he be if i am letting her send him drawings & stuff, AND, that how really scared am *I* of him, to be sending stuff like that. My atty said he was "feisty but reasonable", but boy, the women from teh Womens Resource Center didnt seem to think that. & she siad "Since he has him, I am *SO* glad you have who you have for an atty, b/c you will need that, b/c this may get very ugly".

Yikes!

So i called BIL & told him i needed the bag back to get some things i dont need to send. Maybe i will get it back, maybe i wont. Either way, she said its not like i will get in trouble, it will maybe just give them some things to hassell us about. She assured me the judge wouldnt hold any of it against me, but STBX's atty would do all he can to try to make me look bad or not in fear of him, b/c of it.

Monday should be VERY intersting in court ... 1st time i see him in more than 4 weeks ... & its the hearing for the RO, where we keep it on me & asked for supervised visitation from dd, & its the temp divorce hearing orders.

I am awaiting to hear back from my atty about my continuing to pay HIS bills, out of the goodness of my heart, till he gets on his feet financially, since he cant pay ANY right now. But i tell you, if as of Monday he plays hardball ... i am not paying one more red cent towards HIS stuff!

R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 10:52am

Also, i am sure they are going to try to make him look as pathetic as possible, having no where to live ... & as GOOD as possible, since i hear he is seeing his psychiatrist once a week & was begun on Lithium. & that he is in anger mangt. WAY too little, WAY too late.
Of course, *I* also have heard he was seen in at least 2 bars, around midnite ... so you cant tell me he was there having dinner!

R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:11pm

First off, if his lawyer has that much of a rep, odds are he's known in the courthouse.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:39pm
It is war. Do not give the enemy any advantage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 9:26pm

Hugs, R~, I agree with the whole bunch, don't give him an inch.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for sandman2write
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 12:37am

Rich I am so sorry that you are going through all of this
Believe me I really don’t want to sound mean here, but
You need to wake up TIS IS HARD BALL

You said, “I am awaiting to hear back from my atty about
my continuing to pay HIS bills, out of the goodness of my
heart, till he gets on his feet financially, since he cant pay
ANY right now. But i tell you, if as of Monday he plays hardball
... i am not paying one more red cent towards HIS stuff! “

Paying his bills is only helping him and hurting you
And could also look like you are not scared of him
A judge would have to wonder why on earth would
A woman that has been so badly abused as she says,
Pay the bills of her abuser???
Your att may have plans on this being as he has more
Info on what is best for you then I

Hugs and positive thoughts

Randy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:03am

YOu're right - he hasnt made himself look any better here. & i thought his atty wasnt back till next Mon, but i had to drop paperwork off at his office yesterday, & his atty WAS there. So he COULD be seeing our dd, taking the supervised visistation, IF he wanted to. I willbe sure to E my atty that as well.

& the tree idea ... i will keep THAT in the forefront of my mind! lol R~

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:03am
Yeah, its looking like that. WHY am i suprised? (well, Im really not) R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:07am

Tha atty is a good childhood freind. This island is weird. There is this whole "5th Ward" area, which is all generations of Irish. STBX is 4th (alcholic) generation. So is his atty. He is one of the few who actually DID something with his life, & he tends to want to help out the guys from the 5th ward. So, i am SURE that he is waiting for payment until he gets some $ in a settlement from me. B/c STBX literally has not a cent ... excpet what he just began making. & yes, I am SO glad i have the atty i do. Anyone who knows these attys, say no matter HOW "well known & tough" STBX's atty is - on this island - MINE is from the city an hour away & is almost "bowed to", they say, whne he walks into out courthouse. Lets hope so! lol

& i do have to stop the "what if's". ONE DAY AT A TIME ...

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:09am

I dont think you are being mean, i know you are right.

This may explain where i am a little better:(this was in response to my Alcoholic support board freind yelling at me, lol, to STOP HELPING HIM!)

Im trying, really, i am. Yes, WHY IN H*LL there would be some guilt there ... i dont know. But i have to do this little by little, my way. If it costs me a little more, i can deal with that b/c my conciounse will be clear. Not that it shouldnt be anyway ... but he is dd's father, & just b/c he doesnt care about MY feelings, doesnt mean i should, or would, or CAN, sink to his level. As i said, i will have more of an idea on Monday, but i bet it will be pretty much written out that either i will get reimbursed & i will continue to pay what he absolutely needs, till he gets on his feet - or it wont be & my atty will tell me to stop or i am throwing my money away.

& yes, i know that he needs to sink b4 he can swim, but its hard to swim, even if you are trying hard, with no income or savings. I always controlled all the bills & money, so he really left with nothing. Of course, i dont KNOW if he is "trying hard". Maybe he is, maybe he isnt. I guess it really doesnt matter in the long run, he needs to survive w/o help for others, I guess i am stupidly just trying to cushion his fall. Whats new? But at least i am not EVER EVER EVER thinking about taking him back. And, in the long run, either way, i will be better off financially q/o him draining me ...

Thanks, R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:19am

"No more help to the dark side, though. If his lawyer isn't telling him things, tough."

Amen.

Onto reading the rest of the thread. . .

:)

~Me