Just lost
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Just lost
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:35pm |
I have always had it bad I guess expect for when I was a little girl. I have been in endless abusive relationships. I have been beaten more times then I can count any more. I just don't understand why me? What did I do in this life that was so horrible that I deserve such pain. They all say the same thing that it is me. I make them hurt me.
Currently I have been in a relationship for the past two years with a man that I have known and loved my whole life. HE knew of all the bad things that had happened to me and I always thought I would be safe with him. I wasn't safe. Yesterday we got into a huge fight about nothing really and he made me so mad. I said some horrible things I should not have said. That was a mistake. He grabbed me by my hair till I was on the ground and choked me. I couldn't breath I really thought he was going to kill me. Today I have bruises around my neck. He said he was sorry and bought me a present as usual. He says he does this things because I push him to it. I don't know maybe I do but maybe it's because I am so tired. Tired of all the empty promises. Tired of living in fear and pain.
I just wonder if it is me. How could I have been in four abusive relationships. That seems wrong to me. So it must be things that I do. Certainly some one can't be always that unlucky. Can they?
Currently I have been in a relationship for the past two years with a man that I have known and loved my whole life. HE knew of all the bad things that had happened to me and I always thought I would be safe with him. I wasn't safe. Yesterday we got into a huge fight about nothing really and he made me so mad. I said some horrible things I should not have said. That was a mistake. He grabbed me by my hair till I was on the ground and choked me. I couldn't breath I really thought he was going to kill me. Today I have bruises around my neck. He said he was sorry and bought me a present as usual. He says he does this things because I push him to it. I don't know maybe I do but maybe it's because I am so tired. Tired of all the empty promises. Tired of living in fear and pain.
I just wonder if it is me. How could I have been in four abusive relationships. That seems wrong to me. So it must be things that I do. Certainly some one can't be always that unlucky. Can they?

Beau
Aberfish82@yahoo.com
Oh, honey, welcome -
I'm sorry I didn't get here earlier, weekends are usually bad for me.
Sometimes it does seem like we attract the wrong guys, but I think everyone, male and female, has had spells like this.
But YOU are not causing the abuse.
CL-Blueliner4