Just lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Just lost
3
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:35pm
I have always had it bad I guess expect for when I was a little girl. I have been in endless abusive relationships. I have been beaten more times then I can count any more. I just don't understand why me? What did I do in this life that was so horrible that I deserve such pain. They all say the same thing that it is me. I make them hurt me.

Currently I have been in a relationship for the past two years with a man that I have known and loved my whole life. HE knew of all the bad things that had happened to me and I always thought I would be safe with him. I wasn't safe. Yesterday we got into a huge fight about nothing really and he made me so mad. I said some horrible things I should not have said. That was a mistake. He grabbed me by my hair till I was on the ground and choked me. I couldn't breath I really thought he was going to kill me. Today I have bruises around my neck. He said he was sorry and bought me a present as usual. He says he does this things because I push him to it. I don't know maybe I do but maybe it's because I am so tired. Tired of all the empty promises. Tired of living in fear and pain.

I just wonder if it is me. How could I have been in four abusive relationships. That seems wrong to me. So it must be things that I do. Certainly some one can't be always that unlucky. Can they?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
In reply to: empty78
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 3:41pm
I am sorry for your situation and you past ones as well. I am going thru the same stuff except I am been attacked by my wife. Im sure you might of read my story I posted. I feel that you should leave him right away but I am going to give my wife a chance. I am only 23 and I am just giving you my opinion. I beleive that the male should be the rock and if he crumbles and attackes out towards people than you should find another rock to build your home upon. The average guys are, well dicks and i'm sorry that you happened to find one or a few. I know that I am a guy but guys should never touch woman or kids in that way. I pray that a candle will light that footsteps that god has in place for you that will lead you to a healthy, strong, happy and never dying love relationship.

Beau

Aberfish82@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: empty78
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:53pm

Oh, honey, welcome -


I'm sorry I didn't get here earlier, weekends are usually bad for me.


Sometimes it does seem like we attract the wrong guys, but I think everyone, male and female, has had spells like this.


But YOU are not causing the abuse.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: empty78
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 4:22pm
I totally agree with Blueliner! It is not YOu at all. These men who abuse I believe are sick and need help. Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please go get help, go to the local shelter. I have been to support groups and they help. I am not "Out" yet but day by day I get closer and when that day comes I know it will be great! Good luck to you keep us posted on your decsion!