just need some validation
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| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 12:19pm |
I have been with the same man for over 20 years. We have three daughers together. Unfortunately he is a drug addict and is fond of emotional abuse.
After 24 years, we have come to an uneasy truce I suppose. He basically lives in the garage, brings his druggy friends only into the garage, and usually we just lead separate lives. He sleeps on the couch.
As he is a drug addict (Meth) his teeth are rotting out. I made him go to the dentist, but the dentist told him something he didn't want to hear -- that his teeth are too far gone and need to be pulled and dentures put in -- so he did a typical drug addict, "I don't want to hear it, so I won't."
I refuse to french kiss him, and our sex life is pretty much nil as I avoid it whenever I can. (He grosses me out.)
I support my daughter and I (two of them are grown and out of the house) and he gives me the equivelent of a minimum wage job for his "portion" of the bills. Of course, to him he is entitled to half of everything I own, but as we aren't married, I don't know if he would get it. I pay about three times what he does in bills.
Recently I paid a $1,000 in supplies (I went to the store and bought them -- I know better than to trust him with money) and he rebuilt the bedroom my middle daughter just vacated when she got married.
The day before yesterday he brought one of his druggie friends in my house, so I told him yesterday that his "friends" are not allowed in my house. My 12 year old daughter should not be subjected to them. I also told him he was a drug addict (which of course he denied), and that I was tired of his temper tantrums.
So he proceeded to run into the house screaming at me and pointing his finger at me, calling me a bit*h. He drove off in a huff, in a very unsafe manner, and then came back ten minutes later. He proceeded to drag my $1,200 bed into the new bedroom, broke the bed, damaged the paint, and told me it was all my fault. Of course, if I tell him he is an emotional abuser he turns it around and says I am. Calls me names, threatens me. Sigh. It is all just so old anymore I don't even feel anything. I suppose after a while one becomes numb.
I want out so bad, but he would destroy everything I worked for. I have a fantasy of disappering when the youngest daughter leaves. (I raised them all and they are all good girls). They freak out when I tell them that, but they don't argue. They just say, "you would tell me where you went, right mom?" It breaks my heart.
I guess I just need some validation after the episode last night. This is emtional abuse right? Normal people don't stay up for days on end right? (I sure don't.) Sometimes I hate him, other times i feel sorry for him, but mostly -- I just try to avoid him.
For those of you in an abusive situation without kids -- get out before you have them. My daughters all know I was the responsible one, that I was the grown-up and the parent.
I wish he would just go away, but he won't ever leave. If he did he would have to grow up and he'll never do that.
Just can someone tell me I am not crazy? I am a good person; I hold a very responsible position; I don't do drugs; I wear a size 12-14. My daughters love me. How did I get into this mess? How do I get out? Why do I have to leave everything I ever worked for and give up my daughters to escape?
Sometimes I hate my life, and the thought of being alone with him in six years -- terrifies me.
GT

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