just realized he was abusive

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
just realized he was abusive
2
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 5:09pm

Hi to all!

I'm new to the board and to the idea that I have been mistreated. Honestly, after 16 years of marriage and a very painful divorce, I have finally realized and admitted that he was mentally abusive. What I can't figure out is why he still has such an effect on me. Why I still love him, why i sabatoge myself on so many different levels, et c. I do understand that my feelings of inadequacy stem from the way I was treated. I know I have to get some help to re-learn how to live and make healthful decision but have no idea where to look. I'm hoping someone on the board will have some ideas about how to find a positive support group that will help me learn to move forward and not a group that dwells on past wrong-doings.

Thanks to all of you who have shared postings. You have helped me understand a little more about these conflicting feelings I seem to have no control over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 11:19am

Welcome! A good place to begin is by checking out our website, accessible through the link at the top of the Start page. Since you are already out, another option might be to check out our sister board, New Beginnings. They deal with "life after DV", so to speak. Here's the link: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmakeitstop

Best of luck, and keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 4:24pm

Hello! You're very perceptive. I know what you're going through, I was in an abusive marraige for four years, I've been divorced for nine years.

One thing which has helped me tremendously is meditation. I did a meditation on my self-perception, some negative things came up. I traced the source of my negative view to how my ex-husband treated me. I thought about it further, and decided that I couldn't allow this creep to affect my self-image. His view of the world was distorted, so was his view of me. I can't let him live in my head rent-free, as it were.

I'd developed a kind of self-reproach, if that makes any sense. He'd erroneously convinced me that "there was something wrong" with me. I'm a Child of God, made in his image and likeness. I prayed to God to take away from reproach.

I hope this helps!

Hello!

How are thing going for you?

Best Regards,

BlessedGirl