Just somthing else...
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| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:53pm |
Basically he pulled me down even further then I was and I thought possible. We were supposed to leave for vacation last Thursday but because he was being a d%^& he wanted to leave friday morning. I was not having it so I argued with him. That didnt get me anywhere. I dont' even know why I bother sometimes to stand up for myself. It only hurts me more. His anger got out of control and as a result he hit me in my back really hard and choked me. I didn' fight back cause we were at his brothers house and I didn't want to cause I scene. Of course he didn't think it was his fault. He blamed it on me for talking back to him. Cute huh. That night since he was so angry that he stayed out till 1:30am and came home really drunk that he just passed out on the couch. You know what, I didn't even really care. All I wanted to do was go on vacation and see my family. Which by the way I had to call later that night and tell them that I wasn't coming up till Friday morning. Which didn't go over real well with my dad. He is actually concerned about me being under "his finger" is the way he put it. It's like he is reaching out but I can't reach him all the way. (does that make sense?) Anyway of course he was too drunk and hung over to get up by 6am to leave. So, I asked him if I could go and to my amazment he said yes. But that he lost the keys and that I would have to find them myself. That's fine with me so I woke my son up and got all the stuff ready to go. (mind you I am 8 months preg doing EVERYTHING packed the car and everything)Before I left I checked his pockets just to be sure he wasn't messing with me and just tried to hide the keys. And guess what I found???? A CONDOM and 2 phone numbers!!! Oh boy I just didn't know what to think at that time. I was upset but happy but sad all at once. It's somthign that I've been wanting so that I can finally say it's over!!!!! I took it all with me an left to my BIL's house. But I couldn't find the keys anywhere!!! Nothing ever goes how I want it. it sucks so bad!!!I ended up just staying there fuming about how everything that had gone wrong!!! Finally he called me on my cell and asked where I was. He then came over and we didnt talk at all. We were both really angry I guess. I know that I was. He then made some stupid comments and tried to get me to argue back with him. My answer were quick and just like nothing wich made him even more angrier. Then he said that it was over between us. I went after him and tried to get him to tell me it for real. Which he did. I found that to be the perfect chance to throw all the things that I had found in his wallet at him. So I did. Of course there wasnt much that came out of him. It's like he didnt want to talk about it. So, then I said it was done between us and that he better pack up and leave. Well, what was that for. He said he wasn't goign to leave and we aregued about that too. All of that for nothing cause we ended up finding another spare of keys to go up there and so we did. Liek I said I just wanted to be up there with my family. I never mentioned the condom or anything while we were there. Then on the final night we were there at the cabin, he wanted to have sex with me. I didn't want to cause we were sleeping around where my parents were. (It's a cabin that has like 8 beds all in one big room) I was def not having sex with him while my parents were right down the way from us. This got him mad and he then said if I wanted to know about the condom and I said yes. He told me that it was a girl that he had met the other night. He was so angry with me and felt like I wasn't giving him enough attention. So he went over to her house. They were both REALLY drunk but he swore he didnt' do anything with her. She had slipped a condom in his pocket and wanted to but he said that he told her he had a wife already. (I dont' really believe him, cause how are you going to be really drunk and not do ANYTHING with a girl who is willing??? can that really happen) I dont' know why I was in shock. And deep down I REALLY wish he woudl have slept with her. It's liek he knows exactly how to play the cards. Just enough so that he can have fun but not too much that he will loose me forever!!!
NOW WHY IS IT THAT I STILL FEEL STUCK!!! I HATE THIS!!! I HAVE BEEN STRESSING AND CRYING AND JUST STUCK LIKE IF I CAN'T MOVE. Sometimes I catch myself staring but my mind is a BLANK. I have no thoughts or anything!!!! Ever since then he has been sucking up to me BIG time!!! and I hate it. I hate it all!! My life, him, me, my situation. Somtimes I hate the fact that i'm preg and I keep thinking that if I wasn't preg it would all be different. But that's prob not even true!!!!!!!!!!!! ERG!!!!!!! HATE, ANGER, CONFUSION, HURT, PAIN, is ALL i've been feeling.....Thanks for listening at least....

Hi Elm, The fact that he went to another woman's house and "thought" of having sex with her would be enough for me.I'm not sure I beleive that he didn't.At any rate, you are very pregnant with his child, he should not be treating you this way.What if he hurts the baby? Please Elm, call the police when he puts his hands on you.You don't have to put up with this.
(( Hugs ))
Serenity
Hon, choking is *dangerous*. Right now, if he kills you, he will kill your baby too. It's time to go. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child. Check out our Personalized Safety plan for ideas on how best to do this: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldomesting&msg=25758.1&ctx=512
Please, please act soon. Going by your posts, it sounds like he is escalating, and this can go nowhere good.
elm06,
I read your posts always as I have been pregnant and abused. My question to you is why leave him have the power. You can decide to end the relationship at any time for any or no reason. You don't belong to him and he isn't an absolute ruler. I agree things are escalating and that's not good for you. That is how people end up dead. He isn't worth that.
I know you're scared, but listen to me. All the stress your under isn't good for your baby. My son was born with low blood sugar and spent 10 days in ICU. I say this not to scare you, but to warn you that you need to leave and not wait until he gives you a reason. I think your Dad is reaching out and that's good. A good friend of mine literally left with the clothes on her bad. And she is thriving. You can too.
Big hugs
Jennifer
Sweetie,
Don't cry. I've been there too. But you have to know that you could move heaven and earth for this man and he would still be the same person. It's not you or anything you did or didn't do. It's him. Abusers have a heightened state of entitlement. Meaning, he honestly believes he should just get things cause he wants it. Don't give up. Your children need you. There were many times when the only thing getting me by was my son. It will get better and you will feel better, but not until you can accept things and get out. I know how it feels to think that your husband would cheat on you so easily. My ex took my paycheck and went to a strip bar(although he swears it was just to play pool) while I was as far along as you in my pregnancy. He then got drunk and rode his harley an hour back home. I was humiliated. My money that I earned went down some skanky girls drawers. After that I knew I was done. Oh, and he brought me a souvenier home from the casino near where the strip bar was. How considerate huh?
If you can't tell your dad. Could you call your local DV hotline or the national one? They are 24/7 and will always listen and not make judgements. We are all here for you and I promise it will get better you just have to have faith and get out away from him.
My marriage was my second adult relationship and I too thought it was for life. But life goes on and you can have a wonderful family with your children and yourself. I am glad now I left even pregnant when I did. Please keep posting.
Hugs,
Jennifer