just wondering

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
just wondering
37
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 11:23pm
If some one posts something here, and they post that they have done something really dangerous, I don't think it helps the person in the long run not to say something to them.In my opinion, there is a way to say that some one has done something dangerous without attacking the person. Sometimes when I have an issue that is really confusing me, I would rather post it on a debate board, because there it seems like the feedback is more real and more honest, even if it is a bit rougher, it forces me to really think things out. Sometimes I feel the support boards are too syrupy and too limiting-and I think that actually does a disservice to certain people. Although they can be very informative, like the boards that deal with specific health issues have a lot of great info.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
In reply to: rayny
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 11:30pm

Hi Rayny,

I think ivillage is extraordinarily concerned with not hurting someone's feelings which, in turn, lends itself to an atmosphere of sympathy under the guise of "support" rather than being open and honest with opinions.

I've seen it happen here, even on the abuse boards where women need to be very upfront with eachother... it's a shame, really.

I happen to like your posts - you lay it out in a no-bs kind of way and you say exactly what you mean. You're clear and don't hold back when you see something worth noting.

I appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: rayny
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 11:45pm
I like your posts too, BTW. I agree with the sympathy part, it's all syrupy sweet but a lot of times there is no real substance behind it. I just wish there was a balance where we could be open and honest but also straight forward and saying what needs to be said rather than like you said sympathy disguised as support. I think ivillage is afraid of deteriorating (like I've seen some websites do)into nothing but childish isults and obscenity.I just wish there could be a good balance between the two extremes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
In reply to: rayny
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 11:55pm

Agreed.

Keep it up, rayny :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 12:31am
I've lurked for quite awhile, and followed the incidents to which I believe you refer, and I can neither agree with you in terms of this particular incident (though I can see where there might be situations in which you would be correct) nor see what purpose is served by bringing this up again. Some people are looking for one thing when they come to a board, and some are looking for another, and in the long term, we cannot change what it is they are looking for by pushing our own way of doing things on them, no matter how much we want to. I do think, however, that it might be interesting for you to bring this up on the debate board and see what responses you get. Quite honestly, I think (ignorant lurker that I am) that that might be a more relevant venue for your question that this particular board is.
UCAUTIONIN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP ERIN AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 12:41am
Which incident was it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 5:39am

Hi Rayny,

I haven't been able to get to this board as much as I used to and I'm not familiar with any incident. As far as this support board goes, as well as many others, people come here in many stages of what they are going through. With the dynamics of abuse, many people come here for validation, encouragement and yes, a little sympathy. Abuse rips away your self-esteem to a point that you think you no longer matter. You feel alot of paranoia and everything that happens is your fault.

If somebody would have started a debate with me when I first came here I would not have been able to handle it. The words of encouragement I received helped me immensely. So what may appear as syrupy to you may be just what the other person needs.

Support boards are not debate boards and trying to open someone's eyes when they are in denial of a situation takes some doing. The goal here is to make that person feel better about theirselves and hopefully give them a little more leverage to get their feet on the ground so they can make some positive moves to regain the happy life they deserve.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 6:51am
No that is not the incident to which I refer. It's not about counseling at all. It's just a general question. I know I can't push my way on people. But I know that some people would definitely benefit and prefer it and for those people a disservice is done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:20am

Well, Rayny, it's kind of like TV programming.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:44am
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: rayny
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:52am
Thank you Mama Harm, skycat, and cam.
5yrssm 

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