Kinda new here...need to vent
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| Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:46am |
Hi everyone. I'm kinda new here but I think I posted once before. This morning, my husband was walking me to work and we got into an argument, but about what, I can't even remember and I told him he was like a friend of ours who treats his wife really badly and calls her names and threatens to hit her. My husband was holding his coffee cup and through it across the elementary school parking lot and it broke and then he said, "You don't know how bad I want to hit you right now." I kept on walking and then I stopped and started to go back home and said I wasn't going to go to work. My husband who has no job right now was begging me to go to work and that I needed to calm down because I was yelling that he shouldn't have threatened me like that. I stopped in the parking lot and then I started walking towards work and he followed and then I changed my mind again and decided that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to go to work. He then called me a quitter and a faliure and a b****. I just walked fast all the way home and when I got home and sat down in a chair on the porch that's when the tears started. I didn't want to go into the house with him because I was afraid that he was going to hit me. I'm trying to remember what he said on the porch. I know he talked me into coming into the house and when I got in there, I cried even harder. He told me to be quiet because he didn't want the girl who lives above us to hear me and have her call the police because we are arguing. I told him that she is moving out in two weeks anyway and then he says in a mean voice "Supposedly she is moving out". At one point I was sitting in the recliner in our living room and then I got up to do something and changed chairs. I told him that he acts like our friend and he yells and says he acts nothing like him. I said well he threatens to hit his wife and so do you. He got down close to me and just looked at me. Saying nothing to me. I told him that I couldn't even look at him because it was hard to look at him because of what he said to me. I grew up in a abusive household and I felt like I was reliving it again. I was reliving it again. He (my husband) says if you want me to leave, I will leave. I took off my shoes and went into the bedroom and just layed on the bed crying. I had laid there for about 10 min and he came in and said, "You haven't overdosed have you?" I'm on medication for depression and borderline personality disorder. I said no and he just stood there watching me. Then he said when do you want me to leave? I told him that I wasn't going to have any part of that decision. I said you can't even say your sorry to me and I told him that I felt like the smallest person on the earth and held my fingers not even a inch apart. I told him I was deeply hurt and he had really messed up with me. I laid there sobbing thinking of what I could do. There is a domestic violence shelter some where outside of the town I live in and I thought about walking to the crisis center and then going out there. I love my husband and I don't want to think of him as an abuser. In the end, we talked and he said he was sorry and it would never happen again and that he loved me very much and he would prove to me how much he loved me. I'm at the library right now typing this and he walked me here and I told him that he needs to think about his actions of this morning and he could have acted different. I also told him I wanted to be treated the way he wants to be treated. Like I said, I have posted on here before and you have been helpful and part of me wants to leave but it's hard. I told my husband that I know what he thinks of me, he thinks of me as a quitter and a b****. I do know what I need to do but like I said it's hard because I love my husband and we have only been married 5 months. I've already been divorced once and I'm only 27. Anyway, thank you all for reading. I just needed to vent.
Susan

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Thank you goddness nellie, that means so much to me that I have a friend in you. You have a friend in me too. So, when do you plan on marrying your bf? My husband and I got married May 28, 2005 and we dated a year before we got married. I've known him since high school but we went our seperate ways for a while. Then we got together May 2004. I'm really happy with him sometimes, he makes me happy but then their are those periods of time where we don't get along and argue. But mostly good times!
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