Ky Jelly ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Ky Jelly ?
8
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:29am


I have posted before. Nowadays being sad is not new at all
We had another counsellor session... Pretty bad one, he kept
saying that I am the reason for what he is today. I have been so
supportive of him, the first year of the marraige, when he did not
have a Job,when he was going thru anxiety attending interviews and taking
anxiety pills. He used to tell me that he is not able to perform well
and ask me to have patience.. I was sorry for him. Never said anything,
but enouraged him that it is Ok. There is no pressure.

In this session, he bought up a new thing meaning to say that I
am not good for sex. We used KY jelly, while trying to conceive. He is
telling the counsellor that I had problems, and we had to use Ky jelly.

It hurts so much to hear that, he thinks I had sexual problems... and
still, he had a baby with me, and is now saying hurtful things. I just wish
I am dead. This is my second marraige. I have a 7 month daughter and I am
unable to cope with a lot of things hurting me..

I had earlier read articles about getting pregnant, what should be done, when to
do and what to use and all that. Among those, using alkaline KY jelly was also
suggested, if the pregnany is planned and I wanted to have a baby soon as I
am already 30. I did not know that using KY means that I am sexually incapable.. :-(

I am not ready for a break up yet.. but I am just zoning off with these thoughts..
and cannot deal with this..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: hppy_face
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:44am
Please, please get into counseling for yourself and yourself alone and make sure that it's with someone specially trained in counseling for victims of abuse! Please call the dv hotline for more info. Please don't do any more sessions with your husband. He is messing with your head, and that's part of the abuse. You need to stop listening to him and stop believing what he's telling you. You've got to trust your instincts and believe in yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: hppy_face
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 12:09pm

Thanks for the response. But he has been telling the counsellor
that I have been yelling and abusing him since the beginning and
he is twisting things around so much that he mixes up 2 different
discussions.. I am actually afraid to call DV hotline.. he might do
things more worse for me. and will calling dv hotline affect my baby in any way,
will CPS get involved ?

Thanks for your support
Spea

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: hppy_face
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 1:42pm
Hon, this guy is doing nothing more than read out of the Abuser Handbook that I swear exists somewhere. They twist things around to try to make you believe that it's your fault, when that's not true at all. Call the DV hotline. Even if CPS does get involved, it can be done on one parent only. You wouldn't lose her. And in some states, if you DON'T call and he would do something to her, YOU can be charged with failure to report or a similar charge. I say this not to scare you, but to let you know that they do take this very seriously. And, do you truly want this to go on forever? You don't have to leave right now, or do anything you don't want to, but you don't have to put up with his nonsense either.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: hppy_face
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 7:15pm

Hi hppy.....


I am one of the former CL's of this board and after reading this post I had to reply to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: hppy_face
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:09pm

Agree, agree, agree.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: hppy_face
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:03pm


CLIP :
IF YOU DO THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR ABUSER, YOU ARE HANDING THEM THE BULLETS TO THE PROVERBIAL GUN. If you say A, B, C bothers me, that’s telling the abuser that they are being successful and they will continue on with it. They also may retaliate for it.

The above is Sooo true. Its not just before the counsellor, but always. He says I am the
one always wrong in this relation - like I don't communicate(it seems,) and when I communicate he turns it into argument, and yells.. does not stop at anything. Until I call him stupid or some other bad word.. and then he is happy, smiles with satisfaction.
And tells the counsellor that I said bad words to him... :-( Its as if he wants me to be
a bad person..

More than that, if I told him ALL
that hurts me, and unbeleivably, he does those again and again , with
a diferent reason for why he did it. and listens to me as if its the first time
he is listening to me talk. Tells me he does not want to hurt me.. but cycle repeats..
with a different excuse...

Anyways.. I am almost on the verge of making a decision to leave. Not right away. But I
need some strength and preperation time to get my mind together before I leave. But I
am almost there with the decision. I have made a appointment alone with the counsellor
to tell her my opinion.. If he wants to work it out, I will stay for a few more
months. But I am positive that he will not stick to being nice.. Just a matter of time
for me to walk out with my baby :-(

I can not explain the pain I go through thinking of my daughter seeing either me or him one at a time for the rest of her life and not having a normal life. I am a terrible person to have a daughter.. when things are so bad.. But its all over now. I will try to get things going..

Thanks for your support..
I will keep you posted
Spea

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: hppy_face
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 1:38am

What *I* woudl like to say to your H is that KY Jelly is used for lubrication. Some women just physically dont lubricate well. OTHER women dont lubricate well if they are TURNED OFF .... maybe he needs to think about THAT!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: hppy_face
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 1:42am
Your dd's life is NOT NORMAL NOW. "Normal" is living in a household of respect, love & compassion. She will NEVER have that if you dont leave.
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