Last week was really quiet around here

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Last week was really quiet around here
25
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:30am

And like any mother, when it's TOO quiet, I have to wonder what you've all been up to....:smileywink:  So, to start things off, I'll share.

This past Sat. was WO's 14th birthday and yesterday was my 55th.  Yep, she was literally my 41st birthday present, and what a present she's been.  Had it not been for her and the need to get her out of an abusive environment, who knows where I would be today.  Not here, for SURE.  Probably dead.  So, I have my daughter to thank for my freedom!

I know that many of you have been wrapped up in all the "back to school" busy-ness and that is a chore, but hoping you will take a few to drop in and let us know you're okay, doing great, needing a little support here, or whatever.  We're always here.  Y'all have a great week, filled with happiness and peace.

Mama Harmony

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 4:40pm

Happy Belated Birthday to both of you!!!...:smileywink:

Mine was in July and I turned fifty-four.

My dd is twenty-five and ds is twenty-two.

In August my ds and I moved to a new city.

New Beginnings, a fresh start.

I had no problem maintaining No Contact...:smileyhappy:, unfortunately my ex did not...:smileysad:...

Since moving here I can breathe, it is Wonderful!

 

Nightangel
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 4:52pm
I am SO, SO happy for you. Girl, it's been a long time coming, but it was very much worth the wait. Isn't sleep a wonderful thing for you now? Do you remember me talking about the weight that came off my shoulders when the abuser in my life died? How it had been there so long I forgot it was there? Have you felt that yet?

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 8:29pm

Happy late Birthday ...

Unfortunately for me, I have been busy with things I do not want to be busy with.... My dad decided we were getting new doors on this house he is letting us live in, and .....

Because this house was built in the 50s there is of course a led paint issue so to do the doors they wanted to charge him an extra 800.00 for door removal...so he decided to do that part himself...

So the doors were to be delivered on Wednesday so Tuesday night he came over to take out the back door and put up a ply board so the installers could work on the back door while he removed the front door....

WELL...

He gets the door out by himslf regardless the fact my son was sitting there waiting for directions...

Then he has K help him cut the ply board and screw it up for our "safety"...then he loads his tools into his truck, drives through Churchs to get mom some food pulls into his drive way, being sure to park out of the way of the car because he KNOWS.

He cannot get out of his truck and starts honking...the neighbors hear him and come to assist....long story short he was having a massvie heart attack...He died Thursday night.

M on the other hand .... steps up and gets L to and from choral practice and gets the kids up to the hospital that evening because it was not looking good....he realizes the front door still needs removed for the next day's installation...starts calling his clients that he knows do remodel type work and finds one that knows how to remove a door and is willing to come in the morning to take the front door out for us for free.....

Then the store calls to cancel the installation "because it was raining"....I pointed out we took out the doors based on the fact they were coming and I have no doors and they WILL be installing them that day no matter what....who cares it is raining and who cares they use electrical tools.....I want my D**ned doors....

Also so I can be at the hospital with my family M stays at the house all day to watch the house for us and supervise the installation....in spite the fact he is in the middle of a crunch (extentions coming due) and he had a boat load of work to accomplish.....

THAT is the M I do love....but as we all know this is the honeymoon phase and I will indeed pay later....but for now I am enjoing this phase....oh and I just dropped close to 400.00 of his money buying outfits, shoes, haircuts, etc for me and the kids for the funeral on Thursday and yes he is making comments but nothing like he normally would have been making....

So You asked I told....

Not fun here right now, hoping I can wake from this horrible nightmare soon ...

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 10:16pm

((hugs)) Kat I am so sorry to hear about your father. I wish I knew what to say but other then that I have no idea.

I am glad M stepped up during this time and that you see it for what it is and I hope it last though the service for you.


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Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 10:28pm

Happy belated birthday to both of you!!

I am in a strange place. I really don't know what to think or do anymore so haven't done much of anything other then what I have to do or things that include the kids. The kids keep me distrated. And yes its the ex that has me this way. I really understand why we stress no contact and wish I had followed that advice. When I don't talk to him I am good at thinking ok this is done but when we talk ahhh!! I believe what he says and part of me wants what he is promising but that part that is so damaged from the absue tells me to run as fast as I can and not listen to a word he says. His oldest daughter (she is 18) texted me over the weekend and I went off on her a little. I know she loves her dad but not only should she have stayed out of it but she also doesn't know all of what I have been put though with him but even as he did those things I knew he did it out of fear. I could see in his eyes how he really felt about me but he hurt me so bad. I told him the things he did brought up all kinds of old memories from my ex husabnd that made me feel worthless and its true and I can't shake that when taking to the ex bf.

But on the good side. The kids are doing good. And for the first time in several years I am in bed almost every night by 11 and that is really early for me, lol. And its is med fee. Not sure why but not fighting it =)


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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:15am

Sweetie, my deepest  condolences to you and your family.  My prayer for you all is peace and comfort during this exhausting, sad time.  I'm glad that M was able to "man-up" and do the right things, and I'm thrilled that you aren't buying into his BS at a time when you are so emotionally vulnerable.  Your strength and wisdom are what will see you through.  And thank you for the birthday wishes.  All our members mean so much to me and it's because of this board and its members that I am alive, free and happy to celebrate them.  God bless you and yours as you deal with your terrible loss.  Peace to you all.

Mama Harmony

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:22am

Most definitely!

Thanks so much Mama Harmony...:smileyhappy:...

The "Relief" is exquisite!

My ds thinks he got the "Message" FINALLY...

We aren't worried or upset by his harassment.

No more driving-by, no more endless phone calls, or buzzing up, no worries that he will just show up at our door...Absolutely Wonderful!

 

Nightangel
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:26am

A~, I know no contact is hard, but for YOUR sake, please do everything you can to maintain it.  This guy is violating your boundaries up one side and down the other, and you're still making excuses for him, and THAT is putting you in the weird place you are right now.  You mentioned in another post that you are considering counseling again.  Please, please give it some serious thought and at least go for an initial visit with two or three and see if one of them "jives" with you.  You have so much that needs to be worked out, and until it is, you're going to continue being in a weird place, an unhealthy place.  Yes, counseling can be scary, frustrating and, if you have a therapist that you don't work well with, a complete waste of time.  Like I said, check out several and choose the one that you work best with.  Facing our demons is terrifying, but I'm living proof that it doesn't kill you, and in fact, can give you a whole new life.  You deserve to be happy, healthy, whole and at peace with your choices.  And those choices are a whole lot easier to make when you have a mind that is focused, clear and has dealt with the old wounds.  Please reconsider.  You deserve the best, but for some reason I don't understand, you keep denying yourself the opportunity to heal.  Working with a therapist will FREE you from those demons from the past.  I promise.  It won't be painless, it won't be quick, but in the end, it will have been so worth it.  You're a great cl here, and you bring a whole different perspective to the board than I do.  I just hate that you won't treat yourself with the same love, respect and compassion that you so freely share with the rest of us.  Peace, my friend, I wish you peace.  Thank you for the "happy birthday"!


Mama Harmony

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:30am

~hugs~

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.

<3

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:43am

April, I know how hard it is.

In the past I thought maybe I was too hard on my "Abusive" ex...NOT!!!

I am so glad you and the kids are okay, really that is ALL that matter in the sheme of things.

We aren't like them.

Whatever happened to us, whatever they did or do was their choice, they are "Responsible"...

The Ping-Ponging back and forth, the "Wavering" is their Master Plan.

To keep us in a state of flux.

My ex never LOVED me he loved himself too much!

They want/need control, even our attention whether good or bad is better to them than being ignored.

They don't like that too much.

One thing I feel since my ds and I moved is Peace!

Ultimately the choice is yours, but that is something that is "Alien" to us and it takes time and belief in ourselves.

It's exhausting to be coping/dealing with this.

~hugs~

<3

Nightangel

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