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| Fri, 04-15-2005 - 6:56pm |
Hi I am a 26 year old woman and have a 7 year old daughter, her father is emotionally abusive to me. I have been with him for almost ten years but only married for four, we got a house together I work full time he does not, and I am applying for a 2nd job, I don't think we will ever get along there is not one conversation we have that we don't fight and when he gets mad he calls me every name you can think of like ugly, fat, and all those other words I don't think I should say. I don't know what to do. He has even threated my life, I want to beleive he is just saying it out of anger but sometimes when he says I am ugly I wonder if that is that the way he really feels. And if he does why doesn't he let me go. I don't have alot of money so there is no way I can afford a lawyer so I can divorce him, he uses black male agaisnt me. Why can't I leave? I keep telling him I am leaving in June when our daughter is done with the school year. But I am scared to take care of her by myself. does anyone have any suggesttions I am open ears.

Hi Buffy, welcome -
First off, if your H has threatened your life, do NOT take this lightly.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi, Bean! Welcome first of all. I'm glad you've found us, but so sorry you're going through this.
I want to bounce off a couple of things jodyann and blue mentioned. The murder threat is extremely serious. Because of that alone I'd advise you to be completely secretive and very aggressive about getting out and getting custody. As jodyann mentioned, any contact regarding your daughter is a chance for him to abuse you again. Besides, a person who threatens to kill their own child's other parent is no fit parent.
The constant verbal attacks you mentioned make me nervous. There's not much more he can do verbally, so when the abuse escalates, what will he do? I don't know how things are in your state, but here there are a lot of resources for people suffering domestic abuse, up to and including free legal representation. The nearest shelter is the best place to start. They'll have the referrals, counselors, and a safe place to be if it comes to that.
Why doesn't he let you go? He doesn't want you to go. He wants you under his thumb. If you leave, who will pay the bills? Who will do whatever he wishes? Leaving is hard because they make it hard. But if you go about it the right way, you can leave and be safe. Keep posting and updating us - we're glad to have you here.