Length of time to feel safe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Length of time to feel safe
14
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 4:56pm

After someone leaves a domestic situation, how long does it take before you begin to feel safe? I live on pins and needles with my husband. He hasn't hit me often, and he doesn't beat me, but there is a lot of verbal abuse and he's taken to hitting me a little more often lately.

He tried to rape me two weeks ago. It was terrifying. The only reason he didn't is because he is not strong enough and I fought hard. Anyway, Saturday night I upset him and he punched me in the eye. I am sporting a very nice black eye and it hurts like heck. I have alot of makeup so it doesn't look so bad but I'm still upset over it.

Of course he apologized for two days and begged me not to leave him. He told me that he would never do it again and if he did, I had his permission to leave. The problem I am finding is that he doesn't hit me often but when he does, well, it seem to be escalating.

I know I "ask" for it with my mouth (I tend to scream at him and yell mean things to him) but I can't seem to control my temper with him anymore. I honestly cannot stand him. and yet, and yet, I can't seem to get the courage to leave. Not because I'm afraid of him, not because I don't want to be alone (I DO) but because I feel sorry for him.

Anyway, when I do leave (which I will, I have to) how long will it be before I feel safe again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 10:11pm

NO NO! Thats not what she was saying. She was saying YOU react in frustration, that YOU are not abusive to HIM.


You are an ADULT. & you know what? you are human & *WILL* mess up. You shouldnt be living with a man whom you are afraid will beat you if you "mess up", back talk - whaetver. There is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE. NONE.


& he is RIGHT. There *IS* something wrong with him. He is an abuser. Through & through. & its sounds like your Dad was too? & if THAT isnt proof he is an abuser, then nothing is. B/c women marry men LIKE THEIR FATHER.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 10:21pm

God. Reading yoru words makes me so so sad. B/c you SEE it, but you are still in some denial.


Of COURSE he is abusive. "Just" hitting you "sometimes" .... NEVER EVER EVER should he raise a hand to you. N-E-V-E-R !!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:11pm
What is a DV advocate? I mean, I know it stands for Domestic Violence Advocate, but what do they do? How do you find one? I have never heard of one before. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 10:50pm

Look in the yellow pages of your phone book, under Domestic Violence or a related heading. Your local domestic violence shelter will most likely be there.

If it is not, try calling the police non-emergency number, or your local hospital. They will most likely be able to connect you with a DV advocate, as well.

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