Letter to husband....#1

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Letter to husband....#1
1
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 2:14pm

hi everyone, I just feel the need to post a letter that i would love to write to my abusive husband, if you's dont mind I would like to post it. He has dyslexic and cannot read very well so i could never really write him a letter, so i need to get this out here, I know i could have done it in my journal but i feel the need to get it out, in case someone benefits from it, it might be a bit long but here it goes.....

dear husband, jan/9/2005

How did you do this to me? How could have swept me off of my feet when i was only a young 16 year old, tell me you love me, take my virginty, take my life and than treat me like a piece of crap. You were so sweet when we met, oh you were my first love. My family did not like you but I talked them into it, telling them that you were the best, the sweetest, you saved my life from doing to much drugs, drinking, etc. So they ended up liking you...now i have to tell them i hate your guts. You took my friends away from me you a******, you made me feel like they were all dumb and that i was dumb for liking people like that, i did not have fun at my grad because you sat there and glared at me for acting like a 2 year old.

My friends did not like you, they could smell you out too , but i insited that i was happy...?.....I was never happy, okay maybe at the start of us, but i think just because you won me over and told me you would take care of me, you would let no one hurt me...yeah well i was not able to be around anyone but you and your family. I should have known when you would get into your little tempers at the beggining, how was i so blind to you!?!?!?!?..HOW!?...how the heck did you do it.....I guess from the way you grew up, your dad was a awful scared little man, who beat the life out of you guys and your mother, so i guess what you were doing to me was not as bad, so it was all okay...right, that is what you said when I confronted you about your bad temper and how i hated when you would call me down....You said it was okay.

I remember one night, when i was about 17, you were 20, and we were living together, I wanted to go out with my best friend cause it was her birthday...oh did i ever get the 3rd degree, i know you hated her cause she was a bad influence...?..we have been friends since we could walk., i have known you for a couple years, i think your the bad influnece..anyways, you made me feel like total crap, you said you would kill yourself if i went...we got in a big fight (YOU ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL SORRY FO YOU, that was one of your tools wasnet it..haha, im figuring you out now!!!)
, i left anyways, could not have fun because i was all worried about you, so i came home.,..i bet thats what you wanted right?!.OH but when you went out it was okay..when i was not of age for the bars you would be out all night, i would be stuck at home cooking, cleaning..i was only 18/19 you a******. Than when i turned of age and wanted to go out you made me feel like a total loser so i barley went out,when i did i never had fun because of you..UGH you are such a prick..and now, after were married, after all this time, im 22 and your 26, I am just waking out of your curse...unreal...Well buddy, guess what I am leaving your ass, I am gonna do what i want, hang out with who the heck i want, eat what i want, and sleep where i want..i cant wait to be free from you....to have my life back that you stole and controlled for sooo long. You stole my youth from me, made me feel dumb for having any fun whatsoever. Turned me from my family, my own flesh and blood!

I thought this was how relationships were like...i thought this was normal, you said it was normal and i listened to you , like always, you said all couples go through this...go through what? this c**p, i dont think so..well HUNNY you have me fooled for the last time, this past xmas was the last straw...you piece of s***...i hate you..i feel sorry for the next victim you pick up...god bless their soul

Yours Truly,
your sorry wife

For all who kept reading this letter, congrats to you and thank you..lol, i did not think it was going to be this long, but oh it feels good to get it out.




Edited 1/9/2005 2:39 pm ET ET by iv_skorpio
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:33pm
When I read this I was shocked. You were writing my relationship. I almost started cring when I read about him saying he would kill himself if you left with your best friend. I was in the same situation. But I didn't leave I was to scared he would kill him self.And now I have no friends to turn to.
His mom was also abused by his dad and what he does to me "isn't that bad."
I was wondering are you leaving? Have you ever tried to leave? I have and every time I do he bagges and cries for me to stay and he says he's going to change. He's got me raped around his finger. I was just wondering if you had tried anything that worked. THANK YOU.