Letting go?

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Letting go?
4
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 8:11am

My ex husband has paid very little in child support since I left him. The first order was a temp one though SC that he owes some on. The second is a permant order though NY that he has only paid $40 on once. Part of the time was because he was in jail but NY claims Florida (were he lives now) isn't doing anything to enforce the order so thier hands are tied and I


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 10:45am
I think it is a waste of time and energy if you really aren't going to get any real money out of him. I agree with your friend - let go. He lost his kids and a wife and is in jail..I know you feel he is not suffering but I bet the loss of kids is a big loss and the fact he is in jail. I would focus my energy elsewhere..he is history..and keep it that way. I am sorry you are still going through this after so many years..just shows how the effects are of abuse..just take solace in the fact that at least you and the kids are out and safe. Dont know what to tell you except the best revenge is to just lead a good life and stay well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 12:43pm

I agree with Winter. You are only hurting yourself, emotionally and physically by continuing to dig into this area. I would tell you that he will face his consequences eventually and the longer it takes the worse the consequences.

One thing I have learned is that Forgiveness has nothing to do with the offender and everything to do with the victim. The victim needs to forgive the offender not to let the offender off the hook or out of any consequences but to start the victim's healing inside. Holding grudges and trying to gain revenge truly has a negative effect on the individual's health. Studies are starting to look into the tie between cancer and anger. I know my mom has chosen to not forgive her dad for how he abused them and any time there was mention of my grandpa you could just see the anger ooze out of her pores....she truly lothed him and what he chose to do (or not do). Ultimately she ended up with breast cancer. I know of several other cases where an individual chose to not forgive and ended up with cancer or other terminal illnesses. I know your abuser is NOT worth your health in any way.

In the Bible it says "and whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake the dust off your feet." Matthew 10:14. I know I have started doing this several years ago, employers who treated me poorly, businesses who treated me poorly, and individuals that treated me poorly. Of all of the companies I have worked for I can honestly say 3 are still in business but are actually owned by different corporations. Businesses that I have left that way ended up going out of business, and people who have hurt me end up going through their own hard times.

Find a way when you think of him and how you feel he is getting away with what he did (or not doing) stop and just shake your foot (like a cat when they have something stuck to one of their paw pads). Then quietly say to yourself "I choose to NOT hold this grudge because he is not worth my time or health."

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Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 12:42pm

Your friend is right.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 10:39pm

My children have no clue that I want revenage on him and most the time I dont think about it and I do like that I can make it on


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