Lies,lies, and more lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Lies,lies, and more lies
7
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:26pm

I need to vent ladies, and maybe get a few suggestions. In the past year or so H has taken out several loans, all of which he kept hidden from me. Each time I discovered something new I would confront him with it.I always get the same thing, "I forgot what I took out the loan for","there's a mistake,I didnt take out that loan."... rediculous answers.I cannot for the life of me figure out what he is doing with the money or why he is lying to me about it.
Just today I discovered yet ANOTHER loan.I called the bank but they won't discuss it with me as my name is not on the loan. My H does have a problem with money, always has.He's totally irresponsible when it comes to finances,so I'm not really shocked.The man has never paid fully for something he purchased.When we were first dating he sent me roses, charged them of course, and a year later *I* ended up paying for them.Its been this way ever since. It's really taking a toll on me,trying to take care of our finances alone.I sit here and wrack my brain trying to keep our head above water while he goes out and accumulates more bills.
I may have an answer but I'm not 100% sure yet.Just the other day I heard "through the grapevie" that DH was stashing money away for "the next time he got kicked out of the house". Maybe that's it? Oh I'm just so frustrated and confused and really,really pissed!YOu would think that the abuse would be enough to make someone leave, apparently in my case it hasnt been.But this just infuriates me,maybe this is what needed to happen for me to say enough is enough.
How should I handle this? Do I give him a chance to tell me more lies? ..or just show him the proof and tell him I've had enough?
Thanks for letting me vent...

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:49pm
I would do some more looking into this if I were you. My ex was the same way, taking out loans, taking out cash advances on cards etc. At first I didn't know where the money was going. Turned out years later I found out he was spending the money on other women. Just a thought, may not be the case in your situation, but find out where that money is going.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:42pm

I have considered this,& I honestly don't when he'd have time.Although I don't keep a constant check on his whereabouts as he does mine.I'm always just glad to see him leave in the mornings quite frankly. I suppose if he can take out loans without me knowing,its quite possible that he's doing other things as well.Am I terrible for secretly wishing that he is cheating,and that possibly he'll leave me for another woman? LOL, A girl can wish,can't she? I will try to find out where it's going,I don't think it will be an easy task tho! Wish me luck! Thanks Jody,

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:05pm
Cause when you said you think he might be stashing money away for the next time you kick him out, I don't think that would be that case. He would have left by now if he wanted to leave. He's doing something fishy. Mine was buying expensive gifts for other women, and taking them nice places when I thought he was at work, while I was sitting home with the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:41am

Even though I'm on leave, I have to chime in on this, Serenity, because I fear you are going to get the short end of the stick in a short amount of time:


1) How much more lying does he need to do?

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 9:00am

I agree blue,
I just have a feeling that he's plotting something.He's been very distant lately.And he will only speak to his family while he's at work or while I am not here.I don't trust any of them,they've always stood behind him,right or wrong.I'm sure they have a part in this somehow.I will contact an attorney and find out how I can best protect myself.I really wasn't thinking about the long run, with the marital assets and all.It will come to that point,I'm just putting off the inevitible.
Just as you said, it really doesn't matter where the money is going.But gee,it would be to my advantage to find out it was going to another woman!
Thanks for your input ladies,

Serenity

Avatar for alba1200
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:11pm

I wonder if you could get a credit report on him from one of the credit rating agencies (I think Equifax is one of several). You might be able to do that online since I'm sure that you have his SSN and other personal info that would be needed to access the info. If you have to send it via mail then maybe you could direct it to work or get a mailbox away from home that's private to you.

I'd also get copies of any financial info you can (tax returns, bank statements, credit card statements etc) and stash all the info you gather somewhere he can't get at them (work, trusted friend or relative or your lawyer when you get one)

I'm not certain about how the credit rating reports work and what info you can get, but I'm fairly sure you'd get a listing of any outstanding loans and you may be able to discover bank accounts and credit cards that you don't know about at the moment.

And the most important thing - sending you a big hug of comfort.

Alba

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 9:51pm
Everyone has given good advice, so I'll just add that it is very important that you take it. It sounds to me like he might be planning to clean you out, and you do NOT want that when you're ready to go. There are some good ideas for how to do that in this thread.
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