Listening to my gut
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Listening to my gut
| Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:35am |
So today I told my therapist that I was having such a hard time believeing my own thoughts and feelings. Doubting that my perceptions were fair or realistic. (I frequently decide that I am so suspicious of him now I think everything he does is a manipulation, and I should give him the benefit of the doubt) She told me that one of the major effects of abuse is that trusting your instincts and intuition is worn away over time. SO exactly the reason I am so "stuck" in the decision process is becasue I have been programmed to doubt myself. It is all part of the "you are inadequate/stupid/unworthy" crud that I have listenend to for 17 years.
Kind of a lightbulb "ahaa" moment for me.
Anyone else having those same doubts?

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WOW! You took my thoughts and feelings and described them exactly. I wish I could write it as you did. I am shocked that you understand me 100% and so completley. Thank you. You make me feel not so crazy.
That is what I want.. yes! To leave him, but the niceness now has me baffled. I mean, he can be nice for a few days but then he gets mean again. This time its been almost a week and still nice.
I do want to leave him, but I feel sad for him and I'm afraid of him, so I haven't. How do I get to a place where I no longer care what he thinks or feels?
Hello!
You're very welcome, I'm glad that I could help. I suppose that there is no substitute for experience. Being understood is very important, my understanding is that it's one of our primary emotional needs. Can you tell me a bit more about why you feel crazy?
I can imagine that his niceness has you baffled. My ex's niceness used to mess me up, kind of. I used to think I had him pegged as mean person, then he'd be really sweet. I think it has to do with the cycle of abuse. They'll be really mean, then they'll be nice( aka the honeymoon period) then they kind of lie low, as it were. The trick is, you never really know who he is from one minute to the next, it's very unstable. My ex was also very skilled at manipulation, I'm not convinced that "the honeymoon period" was genuine.
I read in one of your other postings that he quit his job, and went on a trip with his dad? It sounded like he was trying to blame you for it. Forgive me for saying this, but he doesn't sound responsible to me. I'm wondering if he's being nice, so you'll support him?
As to "getting to a place where I no longer care..." that never really happened for me. What did happen was I saw that I couldn't make him happy, as much as I tried. I made him the center of my world, and I felt like I had to make him happy. My peace of mind was totally consumed by him. If he was happy, I felt like I should be happy. If he was in a bad mood or picked a fight, I figured that I did something wrong. I saw that he made a tremendous amount of excuses for himself, and took no responsibility. I constantly made excuses for him to friends and relatives. I realized that my peace of mind depended upon me and my choices. I care about what everyone thinks or feels, even him. However, I took his thoughts and feelings, and put into the "big picture" as it were. I took his thoughts and feelings into account, along with my own, my family, etc. I realized that he could care less about my thoughts and feelings, and wanted me to do whatever he liked.
Does that answer your question?
Hello!
How are thing going for you?
Best Regards,
BlessedGirl
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