a little more info

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
a little more info
3
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 3:03pm

I'm really hesitant to write more because I am afraid that someone will read this and find out who I am. Is that possible? I really want and need advice but am afraid to put my story out there like this. I have no friends to talk to about this or anything else for that matter. My only friend is the one I spoke of (b/f).

I would like to be able to see my own DV counselor but she would have to report what I say. I was in an abusive relationship myself.

Someone said that if I call my ds a liar then he won't be able to trust me and I hadn't thought about that. Right now I am just thinking about saving my own a** and protecting ds from this point on.

Is putting hot sauce in a child's mouth as punishment legal? It was not me who did it to him.

An investigator is seeing the 3 of us for an interview tomorrow and I don't know what to say to him.

I have done nothing abusive to my child but I have witnessed abuse (if this is abuse) and not reported it. I feel terrible. I just freeze and can't say a thing. I mean if I intervened then he very well might have gone after me next, he was TOTALLY out of control with anger. I should have taken that chance huh? I always said that I would die for my ds but actions speak louder than words. I'm pretty pathetic huh?

I just want to add here that abusive (or unhealthy) relationships are all that I know. It is my belief that my ds has been abused by his father and step mom becuase abuse has been called 8 times on THEM. Nobody believed ds! Now the table has turned. I just feel bad for my son. How can he learn to trust adults when everybody either ships him to live somewhere else because of his behavior problems or abuses him.

Can I stand up for my son without ANYBODY (meaning friends and family) finding out that I told the truth or will that info get out? I've never been in this situation before.

Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 7:28pm
Well, I coul dnever judge against you for not standing up for your son, as I have no been in your shoes...however, IMO u need to make things right now...NOONE but you has a right to "punish" your child and your DS should not be around someone who has such an anger problem. It is bad enough when parents are the abusers but at the hands of someone who his parents "trust" could be even more damaging to him....And i believe if u did admit to the abuse and take ur DS side, and let them know u worry that u or ur son may be in danger they will help you with that...they do not want to see u or ur son killed over this or hurt in anyway..But as you said, his father and step mom are abusing him...then u need to get him out of this cycle of abuse..and if ur b/f is a true friend she will see that u did what u had to to protect ur best interest(ur son) and that her boyfriend needs help...anyways hope that helps, or at least clarifies things in ur own mind a bit..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 8:30pm

Welcome, eeyore.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:08am

Regardless of whatever else is going on, your FIRST priority is to protect your son. You have got to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It doesn't matter what you believe anyone else may say or do when you do it. This child cannot defend himself, you have to be his defender.

As to what is or isn't abuse, that is the investigator's job to determine. That is also why you MUST be truthful with him. He can help you end this, but he MUST know the facts.

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