this is long but pls help me out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
this is long but pls help me out!
2
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 12:42am
I'm 18 yrs old and I've been with my boyfriend for about 7months. The majority of the time, he's just *perfect*... but then sometimes he gets a little scary. He's never hit me, and says he never would, but he often gets mad enough at me to scream at the top of his lungs at me and one time he even did this in front of his friends, screaming at me and calling me a "f*cking c*nt" among other things... He's very possessive of me and gets realllly jealous when any other guys even talk to me. He says that thats how all guys are and my past boyfriends would have been the same way "if they really cared about me". Since we've been together I've lost touch with my girlfriends because he gets mad at me when I tell him I want to go out with my friends for the night... he tells me that he knows if I go out with my friends I'm going to just "get drunk, smoke weed, and f*ck guys I don't know" (the first one may be true sometimes.. but neither of the other two are and I haven't given him a reason to think that). For some reason, I listened to him for several months and I just didnt go out with my friends because I didn't want to make him upset. The past couple months, I've stopped listening to him and I told him that I need to see my friends more or he's gonna have to go. We argue over it all the time... one time we even broke up over it for a couple days... but we always make up and then everything's fine for a couple days until a friend calls me or I talk to them online.. he gets mad and jealous all over again and completely doesn't trust me. He always talks to people I know behind my back to try to find out what I've been doing (I tell it to him to his face but he doesn't believe it coming from my mouth) and he evens goes so far as to figure out my passwords and go on my screennames to talk to people. Whenever I see him he always has to check out my phone and see who I've been calling or who's been calling me and read my text messages and ask me about them... and if I delete them all he says I'm acting sketchy and he gets all mad at me... he gets furious if I don't let him read my emails or look over my shoulder while I'm talking online... Like I said before, he's never hit me and don't think he ever would... he once told me, seriously, that if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me and whoever the guy was.. that definitely scared me a little, not that I would cheat on him, but just the fact that he so seriously told me to my face that he would kill me. He probably sounds like a horrible guy right now, but most of the time he's not... he's really sweet and thoughtful and I know he really loves me. Several times I have thought about breaking up with him for his behaviors, but in the end I can never do it... I'd have to say he's my first real boyfriend and the first guy I've ever loved so it's really hard... I just don't know what to do!! A big concern of mine is that his mom had some mental problems... I'm not sure what but I know that she committed suicide when he was 10. I know that some disorders can be genetic so I'm afraid he may have some problems like that... I think he might be bi-polar... but whatever - I guess I can't let that make up for his behavior. Another thing to take into consideration is that he may have some serious female issues resulting from his mother's death...

That was probably all jumbled and everything but I'm just reallllly frustrated right now and I can't even think straight... can anyone give me any advice on this relationship? I really want to make it work but I can't take all the "verbal abuse" that goes on... every time we have a big fight that's all I can think about for a few days.... and it just gets plain scary.... so anyone.. please give me some advice if you can! And thank you to anyone who has actually made it to the end of this post :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:21am

Welcome to the board, marybroooke.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:41pm

Hi MaryBrooke -


I agree with absolutely everything Bama told you.

CL-Blueliner4